


The Edge of Fate

by dreamcatcher6868



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 41st division, Air Temples (Avatar), Airbending & Airbenders, Angst, Earth Kingdom (Avatar), Earthbending & Earthbenders, Eventual Katara/Zuko (Avatar), F/M, Fire Nation (Avatar), Firebending & Firebenders, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Inspired by Avatar: The Last Airbender, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), POV Zuko (Avatar), Teen Angst, Water Tribe(s) (Avatar), Waterbending & Waterbenders, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), Zutara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28774029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamcatcher6868/pseuds/dreamcatcher6868
Summary: Don't we all wonder what would happen if the butterfly flapped its wings differently?What would have changed if the Prince had decided differently at the crossroads? The end result might have been the same , but sometimes, what matters is what is gained from the journey itself.Follow to see what would have happened if Prince Zuko had changed his path sooner.I don't own ATLA or the characters except for some I have made up.
Relationships: Aang & Toph Beifong & Katara & Sokka & Suki & Zuko, Azula & Lu Ten, Azula & Lu Ten & Zuko, Azula & Mai & Ty Lee, Azula & Mai (Avatar), Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Hakoda & Zuko (Avatar), Hama & Zuko (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Lu Ten & Original Male Character(s), Lu Ten & Piandao, Lu Ten & Zuko, Lu Ten/Original Character(s), Ozai & Zuko (Avatar), Piandao & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 41
Kudos: 127





	1. The Crossroads of Destiny

“On one condition uncle,” Zuko started, “On one condition, I will set you free, and each of us will go his separate way,”  
Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko saw that his uncle’s face fell. He could not help it. He was fed up with the way everything was going. In those few and painfully slow minutes, his whole life passed before his eyes. A once hidden and shunned feeling rose to the surface. He would never be Azula’s equal, at least, not in his father’s eyes. So what if he helped her take Ba Sing Se? It was she; she had done everything; he was merely the cherry on top, just another of her achievements. He imagined her confiding in their father in secret, explaining how she had brought her older brother to heel and captured the once great “Dragon of the West” all on her own. He imagined that their father would laugh then and only feign appreciation at his son’s “repentance”. What a load of rubbish it all was. Zuko did not want to decide between his options of walking away or aiding either side. He wanted to destroy the possibility of choice all together with that despairing, feverish flame that was taking hold of him.  
“What is your condition, Prince Zuko?”  
Zuko turned to face him and cut through all the crystals that held his uncle in place. The old man looked at him with surprise and pride. Zuko shrugged as he looked at that hopeful countenance. What a pity…  
“I want you to take the Avatar and all his friends, and leave,”  
“So, you will go with the Avatar after all?” his uncle smiled.  
“No, you will. I will remain,”  
There was a moment of silence. His uncle gave him a puzzled look, not quite understanding his purpose. Zuko himself was trying to avoid understanding his pseudo-decision, so his uncle’s confusion did not shock him.  
“Do you understand, uncle? You will leave,”  
“What will you do?”  
“I will figure something out,” Zuko lied, “But that’s not of any importance. Do you promise?”  
His uncle looked at him, still confused.  
“Say it, old man!”   
“How can I promise when I don’t know what you are up to?”  
“Just trust me, will you?” Zuko grumbled, “Don’t worry, I won’t mess up,”  
“I never said that you would,” his uncle replied softly, “I am merely worried that you might place yourself in unnecessary peril,”  
Zuko was all out of patience, “All right then. Just stay here and do nothing, as you are wont to do. That shouldn’t be too difficult,” he snapped as he walked into the passage where Azula had gone. The crossroads were already passed.  
He saw that the fighting had already begun.   
“What a shame,” he found himself thinking bitterly, “They might have waited,”   
He realized that Azula was worse off. She was fighting two strong benders at once, but Zuko knew better than to hurry to conclusions when his sister was involved. She always had something up her sleeve and that “thing” was the Dai Li agents this time. The moment she needed help, they would rush to her aid; she was like a predator, toying with her prey.   
“Let’s speed things up a bit,” Zuko mumbled to himself as he walked in, maintaining a fighting stance. All sides had their eyes riveted on him, wondering at his choice. Zuko himself felt at that moment that for once, his decision could make a major change in the grand scheme of things. It was amusing that he could be so influential just when he had given up on decisions.  
He scanned the whole lot of them with an unwavering expression. Why was he even hesitating? Was it the thrill of keeping them waiting? He already knew what he was going to do, as much as he scorned it, he knew that finally, he would stand for himself, and stand out of the life that had been laid at his door. Literally.  
He shot a ball of hot, red flames at his sister Azula. Not only was she thrown back, but she was also taken aback by it, and Zuko was ironically pleased with himself, if only because he proved to be a bad cog in her perfectly assembled machinery.   
“So, you have chosen to betray your nation and your blood. I’ll bet you even set that traitor of an uncle free. Well, not everything works I suppose,” Azula said with a smile, but the expression of her eyes did not match her tone. She was shocked and angry. Zuko feared he was enjoying himself too much. He did not bother to answer, as he himself found answerless taunts more annoying than a back and forth.  
“Zuko! You finally did it! You are-” the Avatar began.  
“Shut up,” Zuko hissed. He had been right; he had enjoyed himself too much at his sister’s expense and now he had to suffer kids, though hopefully, not for long. A bizarre fight ensued. It was three of them against one, but Azula still managed to hold her ground, chiefly because Zuko was not giving the fight his all. They were all still awed by him, wondering what he was doing and why he was fighting as if he sincerely did not care for one side or the other to win. Zuko wondered at many things for his turn. His uncle still had not turned up; the Dai Li were still absent; Mai and Ty Lee were nowhere to be seen. What had he gotten himself into?  
He had apparently thought too quickly. About a dozen agents formed a crescent behind Azula as soon as his musings were over. She smiled sourly, “Where will you run now, Zuzu? I must say, residing here has significantly diminished what little talent you had,”  
Zuko stood in a half-relaxed stance, and said nothing, despite his extreme annoyance at how things were going. He internally cursed his uncle. Where was he?  
“I hope you enjoyed our little three-on-one,” Azula taunted with a smirk, “Soon, you will all be enjoying a good, warm, fire nation prison,”  
“That is, if you can get you claws on us,” Katara shouted.  
“Indeed, that does remain to be seen,” a new voice uttered. Zuko welcomed the addition, though he considered it long overdue.  
“Where have you been, uncle?” he gritted his teeth, “Don’t tell me you had a tea session on the way,” he added as an afterthought.   
“One more trophy? I say bring it,” Azula grinned and shot at their uncle. The fight had begun again; this time, it was far more chaotic.  
“You will get yourself killed if you keep fighting like that,” Katara addressed him as she held three agents at bay with arms made up of water. Zuko didn’t reply. He worked mainly to defend himself, and even that, unwillingly. His will to fight had vanished. Why was he even here?  
The fight was turning against them regardless of his uncle’s presence. They were being overpowered, not only due to the agents’ strength and bending ability, but also owing to the fact that they were literally underground. Everything was under the earth benders’ command in this grave-like enclosure. Just then, Zuko saw the Avatar hide behind a small rock wall he summoned. He expected something novel to finally pass and he was not disappointed. Everything was so deeply buried in mist that he feared he would not see it but he did. The Avatar’s eyes and tattoos glowed white as he rose, towering above everyone else. Just then, he glimpsed a smirk on his sister’s face. The mist made her invisible in an instant, but Zuko knew she had taken aim. So had he. This was his opportunity.  
Two lightning bolts shot out of the mist in the Avatar’s direction. Zuko caught them with the tips of his fingers. He felt them surge in his veins and flow through his body, like blood and nerve. They enveloped his being with more power than he thought he could handle. It was then that despair took over. It was then that he fell, senseless, without a single last word or look. He was lost to darkness.


	2. The Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to mess with the ages of the characters a little so here is a list:
> 
> Zuko, Suki: 17
> 
> Azula, Sokka, Mai: 16 (Ik, Azula is two years younger than Zuko in the original, but the girl does NOT act 14/15 so :)
> 
> Katara, Ty Lee: 15 (I'll say Katara turned 15 towards the end of Book 1)
> 
> Toph and Aang: still 12

“ _See, Prince Zuko,”_ his uncle sighed _, “A moment of quiet is good for your mental wellbeing_ ,”

“ _I don’t think we need to worry about nonexistent entities, uncle_ ,” Zuko replied sourly.

They were back in his ship, in his uncle’s room. There was a cup of tea in front of each and a teapot stood in their midst. Zuko had expected the tea to spill on him; that was supposed to be the memory; instead, he was calmly drinking it.

“ _Why did you do that?”_

“ _Do what uncle?_ ”

“ _Why did you get involved in that fight as you did?”_

Zuko felt that he was sweating. “ _I took no part in any fight_ ,” he uttered nervously and emptied his cup.

“ _You had a purpose; you are just afraid to voice it_ ,”

“ _I had no purpose whatsoever_ ,” Zuko grumbled angrily as he realized that denying the fight was no good.

“ _Whatever you say_ ,” his uncle smiled slyly.

“ _I had no purpose!”_

“ _And am I to believe that without question? I know you, Zuko. I know how you think. Just admit it. You thought it fitting, didn’t you? Just the perfect opportunity. Did you think of no one but yourself? Do you know how horrid it is-”_

Zuko never heard the end of that sentence; he did not want to. He thought himself free to do whatever he wanted in his mind. Whether it was to alter memories or conceal thoughts, he had no scruples about misleading himself. He had always wondered what more damage could be done by such subtleties when the real and concrete world had been so harsh to him. What more could his thoughts do to him? _Why did his purpose matter at all?_

He opened his eyes to see the fire nation insignia on the drapes above him. He jumped up and ended up crashing a bowl of water.

“Perfect. Just perfect,” he hissed.

He figured that his sister took him captive, and he was now on his way to be presented to his father. That meant that he was…alive. The idea was absurd; all those fleeting ideas seemed absurd. How could he be alive after…after _that_? How was he even sure that he was awake? There was no way he could have survived that grave, so what trick of the mind was this?

“ _Perhaps it’s another dream. I might be dying, but I am still not dead_ ,” he thought for a moment, “ _And then again, perhaps I am alive after all and I am a captive_ ,”

Which was the truth? His mind had worked so fast as soon as he had woken up that he felt the need to rub his temples multiple times. He felt the heat emanating from his head, and knew that it was not merely due to his fire bending. The fever was so strong that he wished he hadn’t spilled all the water.

“ _Suppose this is all real_ ,” he thought, “ _Azula captured me and that was not my plan. I don’t intend to go to father, and even less, to go out without a fight_ ,”

With that thought, he sprang up and listened at the door. All was still. After some hesitation, he risked opening it and peeping out. Still nothing in sight and only the engines were audible. He stepped out of the room and turned left. Just then, he saw two fire nation soldiers stare at him from the entrance of the corridor. He cursed internally and stood in a fighting stance.

“ _Any minute now_ ,” he thought. His sister would come. She would finally finish what she had started.

“He is finally awake,”

“Zuko!”

He heard these exclamations from the other end of the corridor and stood with a fiery hand pointing in either direction. He felt mildly annoyed at how everyone seemed to be waiting for him to walk out just to come out like that. He could definitely feel his sister’s cunning in this whole arrangement. Whether it was by a detector on the door or by some clever device in the room, these soldiers knew that he was awake and would keep him busy until she arrived. He breathed deeply a few times, preparing for the oncoming fight, but no one approached. Everyone stared at him gravely and cautiously. Zuko felt so sick that he thought he would drop to his knees any second, which made him even angrier that no one was approaching.

“Well then!” he shouted, “What are you waiting for?”

“Zuko…” a girl stepped forward cautiously. Zuko turned to look at her while maintaining his stance. His vision blurred so he couldn’t see her face clearly. Her form and movements seemed familiar enough, and yet, to Zuko, it seemed like there was something _off_ about her. _What was she?_

She stepped closer, and Zuko found himself unable to attack her. He was distracted; his mind was working furiously to figure out who she was and where he had seen her before. Maybe she had been a childhood friend. Had she been a classmate? Perhaps a girlfriend...? No, that was not possible. Zuko never had a proper girlfriend. He did have Mai, but that hadn’t been serious; it had been a mere childhood crush on both sides until he had to go away. He had almost entirely forgotten about her and this girl was certainly _not_ Mai. There was something about her movements. She moved slowly and deliberately, as though she were approaching a very sensitive creature that would run away if she moved too suddenly. He saw nothing suspicious about her and yet, sadly, he knew that he couldn’t be more trusting.

“Listen,” she started and brought him back to the present. What did it matter if he knew her? Now, she was just another enemy. He pointed both fists at her and sent forth two fireballs. She deflected both with some…water? Where had _that_ come from? He stood still for a moment and clenched his teeth. What was a water bender doing in a fire nation ship? She had fire nation clothes too… Was this just another messed up dream?

“Who are you? What do you want?” he shouted. She stood still.

“I am Katara. How can you not remember me?”

Just then, his vision cleared, as if by mere will. He saw her face, but nothing made sense. None of this…

“So, even you have turned against me,” he sneered, “You, too, are working for _her_. I can’t believe I missed it!” She looked at him in confusion but he continued, “And where are you taking me? Whose captive am I?”

In his mind, he knew the answer. He was a captive of fate. And what a desperate captive! No matter how much he writhed and wriggled, it was all for naught. Someone was bound to stab him in the back when he least expected it.

“You are not a captive,” she said soothingly, “and if you calm down, I will explain everything, but you have to trust me,”

“This is all a dream. Just a dream,” Zuko whispered breathlessly, feeling sweat trickle down his face.

“Let it be so, then. Calm down,” she said quietly as she put a hand on his wrist. Her cool touch created such a stark contrast to his burning skin that even Zuko himself could feel it. She held on and softly caressed his face.

“Your fever is quite intense,” she smiled worriedly, “You should rest, and not worry,”

Zuko saw the flames in his hands go out. All of a sudden, it felt like a cold wave washed over his body and reached his heart. He realized, as he fell forward, that the anxiety was all that had held him up until then. She caught him and shouted, “Sokka, help!” as consciousness left him.

...

Zuko woke up, but he decided to keep his eyes closed for a while longer. After that bizarre dream with fire nation Katara, he did not want to wake up to discover that he had been the Avatar all along. Indeed, nothing seemed to make sense. Dreams and reality were so entwined in his head that he doubted if he could ever find his way back to _his_ reality, the one where he had finally died. “ _Finally_ ,” he thought to himself. When had he started to feel so desperately comfortable with the idea?

Despite his misgivings, he found this inactive existence boring. It really was not like him to lie down, and apparently, his death had not changed that. That is, if he were even dead to begin with.

“Great, we are back to the start,” he grumbled and pressed a pillow to his face.

“Ah, you are _finally_ awake,”

Zuko jumped up and almost crashed another bowl. Katara caught the bowl and carefully put it on the nightstand.

“You seem to have a problem with bowls of water,” she remarked, with a tinge of worry in her soothing voice.

“The universe is testing me,” Zuko growled as he sprang up and took a fighting stance. Katara folded her arms across her chest and looked at him with an annoyed expression.

“What are you doing?”

“I am trying to get out of here,” Zuko scanned the room to see if there was a window.

“No, I mean, why are you pointing fire at me again?”

“You are the one who took me captive!” Zuko shouted, “I see it now. You are all Azula’s puppets. She put me with you in that cave for a reason. She wanted me confused so she could have me killed and be the heir to the throne. I wish-I just wish I hadn’t trusted you! How stupid I was!”

“Calm down. Stop pointing fire at me-”

“Oh, and now, she is telling me to calm down, like it’s the easiest thing in the world! No doubt, it’s easy for you, when you are not the one who turned against her family to aid an enemy,”

Katara gave him an incredulous look as he walked around, a fiery hand pointed at her and another on the wall.

“You know what? I have had it with you,” she sighed as she stood up, “I have been healing you for days now and the first thing you say when you wake is not even a little ‘Thank you’. No, instead, you go around, claiming that I work for your _deranged_ sister, and attempt to attack me. I will leave you alone until your wits return because you are apparently out of your mind, even without a fever!”

With that, she rushed to the door, and before Zuko could catch up with her, she went out, locking the door behind her,”

“What are you doing!” he shouted as he banged on the door with both fists.

“I am trying to teach you some manners because apparently, no one bothered to. Good day,”

He heard her receding footsteps and felt that an endless stream of fire was about to pour forth from sheer anger at this weird situation.

“I will help myself out then, shall I?” he shouted as he punched the iron door with his fiery fists.

…

“Katara, he is really giving me a headache,” Toph grumbled, “If you don’t stop him, I will have to go down there and encase him in a metal coffin,”

“Please do,” Katara snapped.

“What’s the matter with him anyway? Why is he so… fiery?” Sokka grinned curiously.

“He thinks that we are all working for his sister and that we are taking him to jail or something. At least, that’s what I gathered from his sleep talks and his constant shouting,”

“Must have been some fever,” Hakoda shook his head, “Why are we keeping him again?”

“He saved my life, remember?” Aang sighed, “In fact, he saved the whole avatar cycle. I don’t know why he did that, but I feel that there is no way I could ever repay him,”

That silenced everyone. Aang had explained what would have happened if Zuko hadn’t intercepted the lightning. The only hope of peace would be lost; the world would be out of balance forever. All evaded simply because one boy chose to throw himself in death’s way. None of them had understood it; those days were spent in wonder. Toph had suggested that Zuko had probably gone insane due to the pressures he faced, but the rest, knowing him better than she did, dismissed it. Zuko was already somewhat crazy in his fire nation way, but they all knew that no amount of insanity could explain what he did. The silence was interrupted by another, rather harsh, bang on metal.

“That’s it. I am going to make him stop,”

“Toph-”

“If I don’t, he will just rip the door off its hinges. I can literally _feel_ his punches burning into the metal and it doesn’t look like he will stop,”

“Maybe we should all go,” Aang offered. Everyone turned to him.

“Well, as I see it, he is definitely not thinking clearly. If we were to explain the situation, all of us, together, he might believe us and stop acting like-” another bang interrupted him, “like _that_ ,”

“Why does it matter to convince him?” Sokka shrugged, “He chased us all the way across the world and he isn’t exactly the nicest guy out there,”

“What would you suggest?”

“We drop him off at the nearest island, say our goodbyes, and go on our merry way?”

Another bang

“I hate to admit it,” Katara started, “But considering what he did, that would be a little too merciless. He is still healing and it would be cruel to leave him out there, alone, to fend for himself after such an injury,”

“Not to mention the fact that he could, at some point, become sane enough to remember that it’s odd for the Avatar’s group to be on a fire nation ship. He might alert his father or sister and then, we would be doomed,”

“I don’t think he can do that, dad,” Sokka argued, “He was banished when we first met him, and by turning against his sister, he ensured that no one would believe him, even if he came back,”

“Also, everyone probably thinks he is dead,” Katara added.

“So we are all he has,” Aang finished.

“Must be a miserable life,” Hakoda grinned.

Another bang followed, louder than the rest.

“Can we just decide what to do? My head will burst,” Toph stomped her foot.

“I like Aang’s idea,” Hakoda started again, “We don’t have to explain everything right away, but if we at least manage to calm him down and treat him decently, he might agree to help us,”

“I still think we should drop him off, but if everyone wants to take the ‘let’s give him a chance’ route, I won’t insist,” Sokka cracked his knuckles.

“Let’s go,” Aang got up.

“Finally,” Toph exasperatedly spread out her hands as she walked ahead of the group.


	3. Reality over Tea

“Hey Sparky,” Zuko heard from the other side, “You really have worked hard at this door, haven’t you?”

Zuko paused for a moment. It had to be that earth bender from the Avatar’s group.

“Let me out!” he shouted, gritting his teeth.

“With pleasure, but you must behave because Sugar Queen is very cross with you-”

“Toph, how many times do I have to tell you to not call me-”

“I wouldn’t mind it though. She does tend to get cross fairly quickly,”

Zuko punched the door once again. Apparently, they weren’t there to get him out. What had he thought?

“Stop taunting and leave me alone!”

“I thought you wanted to be out- and stop punching that stupid door, you are giving me a headache,”

Zuko didn’t heed what she was saying. His anger was rising every second; he punched the door so hard that he could feel his knuckles bleed through the fire. Suddenly, the door opened, and he found himself face to face with the Avatar. If it had been anyone else, he wouldn’t have stopped mid-punch, but maybe, saving the Avatar’s life at the cost of his own caused him to develop some connection with him. He disliked the idea, but he lowered his hands with deep breaths.

“Hello, Zuko,” he started and continued after a pause, “I am glad you are awake. We thought- we really believed- that you had…died,”

“What do you want?” Zuko asked angrily.

“Nothing. Can we come in?”

“We?”

Just then, he realized that Sokka, Katara, and Toph were all standing behind the Avatar. Zuko stepped back defensively.

“We won’t do you any harm. We just want to talk and explain some things that might be confusing to you,”

“And why should I believe anything you say?”

“Because you have no one else,” Katara answered.

“And we could easily overpower you,” Sokka grinned.

“Sokka!”

“Right, sorry. But we still can,”

The Avatar shook his head, “Are you going to stand like that all day and not let us pass?”

“He was dying to get out and now he is dying to keep us out,” Toph laughed, “Look at that poor metal door. Ouch,”

Zuko’s eyes strayed to the outer side of the door. The door had caved in in many points. He could literally see his fist engraved on it with blood. He hated to admit it, but Sokka was right. He was up against three benders and a ship full of soldiers. If his uncle were here, he would criticize him for his lack of thought and planning. He had to buy some time.

“ _Better act calm and earn their trust. I can think of escape then_ ,”

He sat down at the foot of the bed with a sour expression and motioned for them to come in. They sat down on the floor to face him. Zuko pressed his palms to his forehead, telling himself repeatedly that no matter what they told him, there was only one possible option now that he could feel pain: he was alive and he was a captive.

“So, Zuko. What can you remember?” The Avatar began.

“What?” he asked harshly.

“Do you remember what happened?”

“I was supposed to have died. I was dead,” he added as an afterthought. That had really felt like death, not that he knew what it would feel like, but he had fainted before. _That_ had been different.

“Yeah…about that…”

“I got some tea,” a smiling adult appeared at the door. Zuko started immediately.

“Who is that?”

“He is our dad,” Katara answered, “Dad, this is-”

“Zuko,” he said, putting his fist under his open palm in salute without knowing why he did it.

“Hakoda,” the man returned the gesture with equal surprise.

“Oh, so now you know manners,” Katara grumbled.

Zuko replied by snorting fire.

“Never mind,”

“Tea for the Prince,” Hakoda offered him a cup. Zuko took it and instantly missed his uncle. It tasted like seaweed.

“Is this seaweed tea?” he asked, not missing a beat.

“No, jasmine, why?”

“Nothing. Thank you,”

“My pleasure,” Hakoda smiled contently, “He does know his manners,” he whispered to his daughter, which Zuko heard, but chose to ignore. He had no idea why he had been so polite just now. Was it the tea? That seemed illogical; it was horrid. The gesture? Perhaps, but Zuko had been rude to people who had done more for him. Was it that he secretly appreciated the fact that here was a man whom he had never met before and who did not know of the terrible things he had done? All these kids knew him and even though they seemed to have beaten him at last, he thought they would always be ready to take things a step further. It wouldn’t hurt to have one person who thought differently.

“First things first Aang,” he heard Katara say, “Let’s go to the very beginning,” and turning to Zuko, she continued, “Why did Azula send you to the crystal caves?”

“For the thousandth time,” Zuko scoffed, “Why should I tell you anything?”

“For the thousandth time, you don’t have much of a choice if you want to learn the truth. We are out in the middle of nowhere and you wouldn’t want to spend your whole time punching doors, would you?” she asked pointedly.

Zuko folded his arms, “I don’t care; I would make it out one way or another,”

Katara was about to answer, but her father held up his hand, “Stop, both of you. If we go like this, we won’t get anywhere. The sooner we cooperate, the sooner this will be over and you may even go free, Prince Zuko, if you find it to your liking. So answer all the questions and keep your peace,”

“You will let me go?”

“If you insist upon it. You have to recover fully though, as Aang won’t have it otherwise,”

Zuko paused for a moment, “Deal,” he said drily.

“So, the caves?” Katara asked again.

“I tried to fight Azula and her agents,”

“That was _not_ very wise,” Hakoda shrugged.

“They attacked us, what else could I have done?” Zuko snapped, “How did you end up there?” he asked Katara.

“Well, your sister had disguised herself and her friends as Kyoshi warriors who are our friends. I thought- we all thought- that they had come to our aid. When I approached them to talk of some… _plans_ for the defense of the city, they captured me and threw me into the caves,”

“Your uncle came to us just as we realized that Katara was missing,” The Avatar continued, “He said you were captured as well and that we should help one another to find you both. I went with him to the caves, as you already know, while Toph and Sokka went to warn the Earth King. They were all captured by Azula, but thanks to Toph’s metal bending, they managed to escape,”

“There is no such thing as metal bending,” Zuko interjected, clearly pleased to find a discrepancy in their story.

“Huh, think again, Sparky,” Toph said as she kissed the tips of her fingers, and pointed at the metal door of his room. Instantly, all signs of his fists disappeared; the door was back to its initial state, without a single scratch. “So to correct you, no, you can’t make it out ‘one way or another’,” she smirked as Zuko looked at the door in surprised dissatisfaction. He instantly realized how metal bending seemed similar to his sister’s blue fire or her lightning. It was probably something reserved for people of talent, not that he would know anything about that.

“Anyway,” Katara started again, “Then, the fight started; you joined; the Dai Li and your uncle got involved,”

“Seems like chaotic fun,” her father smiled.

“Same,” Toph sighed, “I was merely jail breaking. That’s boring,”

“I wish I was there to give that crazy girl a boomerang round her head,” Sokka made a fist.

“She is _my_ sister,” Zuko protested.

“She planned a coup, overthrew a king, imprisoned us all, and almost killed you,”

“I meant that _I_ should get to whack her round the head before anyone, so get in line,”

“That’s the spirit,” the Avatar smiled. Zuko merely shrugged.

“Anyway, the fight got on, but I saw the situation was dire, so I tried to get into the Avatar state like I had done in the North Pole. I hoped to control it better this time. That’s- that’s when you…”

“Aang didn’t see what happened as he was in the Avatar state,” Katara said quietly, “But I saw you blocking two enormous lightning bolts that came his way. No- not just blocking, it seemed like you caught them and controlled them for a moment. And then-then-”

“I died,” Zuko finished, “Good riddance,”

They all looked at him with questioning eyes, but none poured his thoughts into words. Indeed, they seemed quite taken aback by his nonchalance about the whole matter. Even Zuko himself realized that he was making it all look like a boring trip to the countryside.

“Why did you do it?” the Avatar asked, breaking the silence.

Zuko was at a loss for words. Could a good deed still be good with wrong intentions? How could he trust these people with the truth? To begin with, Zuko was far from admitting that it was a good deed and despite consciously denying himself the smallest indication of his intentions, deep down, he _felt_ what they had been. He also felt that he might see himself as a coward if he admitted it all out loud. So what was to be done?

“Why did you do it?”

“No particular reason,” he said stupidly. He didn’t believe for one second that they would buy it.

“What?”

“Instinct,” he tried again, “It’s not like I planned for things to turn out the way they did, but at that moment, I thought that I could handle it,”

“They were two huge bolts of lightning. What were you ‘not planning’ on ‘handling’?" Katara frowned.

“How about this,” Zuko was again angry, “I don’t know why I did it, and frankly, I don’t care to. I just did it; it’s over, the Avatar is alive; everyone is happy. Now, can you just tell me how I am still alive and leave me alone?”

Katara shook her head and sighed, “It did seem like you had died; I mean, you yourself claim that it was so, but your uncle had asked me to look after you as he held off the attackers, all by himself. After we escaped, I tried to heal you in various ways, but whatever I did was useless, so I decided to use the spirit water from the North Pole to revive you, and it worked,”

“For our part,” her father started, “We saw that the Earth kingdom had fallen so we infiltrated a fire nation ship and made our escape. On our way, we met Aang and his team, and we have been travelling together since,”

“How long was I out?” Zuko nervously ran his hand through his hair.

“A week and five days,”

“What!” he exclaimed, “That’s more than ten days!”

“Yes, well, it is very time consuming to die nowadays,” Sokka grinned and Katara elbowed him.

“Can you, for two seconds, not make inappropriate jokes?”

“You know what they say, sis. Laughter is medicine. This guy never laughs! No wonder he was bedridden for days,”

“Considering the injury, I’d say it was a rather speedy recovery…”

Zuko stopped paying attention to the siblings’ bickering. He had his own thoughts to contend with. All that had been said was too much and yet too simple. He was glad that he wasn’t out of his mind after all, but he still thought that he should tread cautiously. The blind girl turned her clouded gaze at him and Zuko was suddenly reminded of who was missing from all this.

“Where is uncle? Why is he not here?”

From their expressions, he could see that they had been trying to avoid that question.

“We were overpowered and you were seriously injured…” Katara started.

When she trailed off and remained silent, Zuko asked, “And?”

“Well, someone had to, you know, buy us time, so we could manage to escape safely-”

“He didn’t,” Zuko exhaled in shock, his eyes widening as the truth downed on him.

“I am sorry,”

Zuko clenched his jaw. He simply couldn’t believe it. How could his uncle do that? Where was he now? How was he being treated? He wondered whether he would be tortured for information. His old heart wouldn’t take it and neither would Zuko’s.

“Well,” he stood up, “At least, now there is something to be done,”

They all looked at him in confusion. Zuko didn’t feel the need to explain himself. He simply walked to the door. He knew he had to find his uncle; there was no way he was going to let him suffer on his behalf. He had made his resolve to leave as soon as possible. However, just as his hand reached the doorknob, a small, yet cool hand caught his.

“Where are you going?”

“Let go of me!”

“ _Where_?” she asked more forcefully and Zuko gritted his teeth.

“To wherever I could find my uncle and get away from here,”

“You are not fully recovered yet!”

“So what? I can look after myself,”

She didn’t seem convinced, but then again, he didn’t care. Why should he?

“If you go now, you might be scarred for life,”

Zuko paused for a moment. She couldn’t be _seriously_ making that argument.

“Scarred for life,” Zuko said slowly as he saw her realize what a stupid argument she had made, “Cause I really wouldn’t know what that would feel like, thanks for the warning,”

He yanked his hand out of her grip and sat on his bed again. Pressing his burning palms to his eyes, he attempted to control his breathing, but he was unable to breathe normally. Each gust of air felt like fire in his lungs and throat. _What would happen now?_

He heard everyone get up and leave quietly, but he still didn’t bother to look up. He needed to be alone; it was perfectly convenient that they were leaving. Perhaps, he remembered his initial resolve of not believing them; perhaps, he was waiting for a more opportune moment to carry out his plan. The last thing he heard before the door closed was the water bender’s voice:

“Here are some fire nation clothes if you want to change,” she said reluctantly as she went out.


	4. The Almost Escapade

Zuko did not sleep until all the noise died down. He figured that there would be about three soldiers awake at night to guard the ship, and he could easily evade or disarm them. He would then take one of the small rowboats attached to the sides of the ship and sail away, as he had done in Commander Zhao’s ship earlier in the year. He did pause to marvel at how he could practically capture the Avatar now; he had never been so close to him, and yet, he did not care one bit about the air bender. All he wanted was to get away, as far as possible, as quickly as possible.

With that thought in mind, he got up, changed, and went out as quietly as he could. He wished he had a black cloak as that would have made hiding a lot easier, but he didn’t bother much when he saw that there was no one on deck.

“ _Too easy_ ,” he thought to himself, “ _Nothing comes so easily to me_ ,”

He heard a growl to the side and spun on his heel. On the right corner, a coverlet was hiding something huge in the shadows. As he saw two twinkling eyes in the dark, Zuko realized that this must be the Avatar’s bison. The bison made to growl, but Zuko motioned it to be quiet and surprisingly, it obeyed. He unsheathed the knife his uncle had given him (which he had conveniently found strapped to the side of his boot as it had been on the day of the invasion), and got hold of the rope on which a boat hung.

That movement and the sudden weight sent a wave of pain through his right shoulder. Zuko knew that he should have a look at that nasty wound as soon as he got the chance. It was probably going to leave a scar regardless of further attention, so he hadn’t cared enough to look, but now, he almost let go of the rope out of sheer pain. How could it hurt so much when it had been so long? He tightened his hold on the rope, which made him feel the throbbing more intensely, and began to cut it. It was too thick, so he figured it would take some time with such a small knife, but with a bit of luck, he would be out in the open in a few minutes. He was so absorbed in his work that he didn’t realize his arm go numb, or that someone was approaching him.

“What are you doing?”

The rope slipped out of his hand as soon as he heard the first syllable, and Zuko turned around with a wild expression, ready to attack whomever it was that had snuck up on him. He found himself facing Katara, who was just a few steps away. Without knowing why, he felt relaxed. He knew she wouldn’t attack or hurt him, so he lowered the knife and took to silently staring at her. The truth was that, despite the feeling of security she imparted, Zuko was somewhat resentful towards her. He almost wished she would talk so he could tell her what was on his mind, what had bothered him ever since he had learnt the truth.

“I felt you walk away, so I thought I would tell Sugar Queen to kick some sense into you,” Toph said as she stood with folded arms and an amused expression on her face. Zuko hadn’t noticed her at first because she stood at the doorway to the deck, and she was so tiny that it was easy to miss her.

He grimaced, “I am going away as I said I would,”

“But you are not-”

“You cannot heal a scar, Katara. The damage is already done. Just leave me be,”

“Listen. It is not my habit to leave a job unfinished. It is not just about the scar; I can see from your face that you are not healed. I am the healer, after all. Why don’t you leave the decision to me?”

“Ok, healer,” Zuko started with mocking bitterness. She was becoming too much of a nuisance. “Have you ever asked yourself whether I actually _wanted_ to be healed? You just took me in and went on with what was in your head, without any idea of what I wanted. Maybe, I am just fine with this pain and the scar. Maybe, I don’t want to be looked after like a sick child,”

“But who wouldn’t want to be healed?” she asked innocently, “You have changed since that day in the caves. You act so differently now; I don’t know why. You are not the same person I talked to that day; something ails you, but you would rather run away and face pain than talk about it. Just speak plainly, is that so hard? _What is wrong with you_?”

“I wanted to die. You happy now?” he shouted. His restraint had finally snapped.

“I didn’t join you out of the kindness of my heart; I joined because I figured that I would die faster fighting against Azula, so you can stop trying to repay some moral debt or whatever. I had failed at every foolish thing I had attempted anyway so why not try death? I wish you hadn’t wasted your spirit water on me. Thanks to you, I have even failed at dying!”

Without waiting for a response, he got hold of the rope again and hacked at it. He had half a mind to shout at the rope, as he felt so enraged that he thought his voice could tear it apart. Just as he reached the last strand; however, a large hand caught it above his own. Zuko turned his head in frustration, “What now?”

He saw that he was face to face with Katara’s father.

“You guys make so much noise that it’s a surprise the whole ship isn’t awake,” he said good humoredly. Zuko wondered if he had heard his confession; that would be embarrassing. He had some scruples about telling Katara and Toph, but for a warrior to voice a wish for death in front of another was humiliating. He made no reply.

“So, you are going after all. Did you take anything to eat?”

Zuko remained silent, so he repeated the question.

“No,” he answered at last, albeit unwillingly.

“And how do you plan on surviving?”

“I can manage. I have starved before,” Zuko added after some hesitation.

“Do you have a weapon?”

“No,”

“Do you even know where we are?”

“I am guessing somewhere between the Earth and the Fire Kingdoms,”

“Great,” then turning to his pale daughter, he added, “These crazy ‘honorable’ fellows! They would rather starve to death without a weapon, without so much as a clue about where they are, and yet, they wouldn’t venture to ask for help. It’s dishonorable to ask, apparently,” then, turning to Zuko, he continued, “No wonder you want your uncle back. With that temper of yours, you can’t survive for long,”

“You will not stop me,” Zuko gritted his teeth and pulled the rope.

“I will not,” he replied calmly, “I will only offer you some assistance and good advice, and if you heed good advice, you will stop yourself, I hope,”

With that, he started to walk away towards the stairs that led to the storage rooms below.

“Well?” he turned at the entrance “Come along. Let’s get you a weapon and some food,”

He went down and Zuko followed him in confusion while casting a questioning glance at Katara, who seemed hopeful, and at Toph, who was laughing.

...

“What sort of weapon do you use?”

“Huh?” Zuko asked, distracted.

“Maybe a _qiang_? That might work for you,”

“I use dual _dao_ blades,”

Hakoda whistled in response, “That might be hard to find. I don’t think I ever saw any fire nation soldier fighting with dual swords,”

“They are more suited to lone fighters than organized troops,” Zuko offered absent-mindedly. He knew he had to be alert in case this was a trap to lock him in, but he just couldn’t focus due to the stiffness of the air and the distracting conversation. It didn’t help that he was sifting through tens of blades to find one to his liking.

“Makes sense. How about a _jian_?”

“Could work,” he answered, still looking for dual swords. He missed his own as he had forged them himself; they had been perfectly balanced. Now, even if he found dual swords, they would never be as good as his own. The idea disheartened him and he vowed to make his own swords as soon as he got the chance.

“No dual blades,” Hakoda threw his hands up in resignation. Zuko kneeled to look under a table. He thought something shone there.

“Those are barrels of food and drink,”

Zuko pushed many of them aside and saw, to his great relief, the handles of two swords, placed on top of one another in a dual scabbard. He pulled it out in triumph and unsheathed the swords. Naturally, they weren’t as good as his own, but still, Zuko wouldn’t exchange them for the highest quality of any other weapon. Nothing gave him as much pleasure as using those swords, knowing that there were few in the world that could match his skill in wielding them. They weren’t the most popular weapon choice either, which always left Zuko puzzled. Who could ask for more?

“Now for food-”

“Wait,” Zuko interrupted him. Those swords made him feel alive again. He felt himself strong enough to ask and receive answers, by force if necessary.

“Why are you helping me?”

“Because you are sure to die otherwise,”

“That’s your only reason?” Zuko asked, unconvinced. Hakoda turned his back to him and continued to look through some weapons.

“One of my reasons,”

“Then why not tell me all your reasons and set my mind at rest?”

“As far as I can see, your mind will never be at rest. If I tell you my reasons, you will find something else to fixate on; that’s just who you are. Better you wonder at something as insignificant as my reasons than something more serious and upsetting,”

“And what makes you think you know me so well?”

“Well, I listened to the kids’ stories, and I have been observing you since you woke up, to see whether you could be trusted.” At this, he turned around, facing Zuko, “You accepted and dismissed, told and concealed, shouted and remained silent in such quick succession that I realized you must be suffering from some serious… _issues_.” Here, he looked closely at Zuko with a penetrating glance and said no more. Zuko, for his turn, felt most uncomfortable and angry.

“And? What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s good to help people who are lost to find their way,”

Zuko shook his head and scoffed, “It is easy where you stand. You weren’t born into the most influential family of the ‘wrong’ side of the war. No one is implying that you should change your belief system and fight your own family,”

“I was merely talking about your determination to save your uncle,” he replied, unbothered. Zuko felt embarrassed for having been the first to approach a private subject he would rather have avoided.

“But since you yourself have mentioned it, I should tell you that no one is expecting anything of you. You are free to go. I just want to help,”

“You are not afraid that I would tell on you?”

“No,”

“Why not?”

“Because you are honorable, ridiculously so, but you are. You didn’t even try to steal food or weapons from a ship that belonged to your nation. Yes, you did want to get away quickly, but you probably also felt that it would be wrong,”

Zuko regarded him with sadness this time. He wondered how this man would react if he knew that just two month ago, Zuko was stealing shamelessly to save his stupid, miserable life.

“You still don’t want me to go after my uncle,” he started quietly, “What would you do if your children were captured? Would you not go after them?”

“With all that I had,” he smiled, “They are all I have and I understand that your uncle means a lot to you. _But_ ,” he paused, “If the situation were reversed, I would rather have my children stay safe than attempt to rescue me,”

“Wouldn’t you feel abandoned and betrayed?” Zuko asked. His voice had softened; he felt emotionally exhausted.

“Of course not. Right now, they have a mission: to help the Avatar end the war. If I ended up in prison, that would be the part I should play until their goal is accomplished. With so much at stake, one could hardly blame them. Also, if the war is over, it would not just be me out of prison; there would be no more war prisoners,”

Zuko shook his head in disbelief.

“Most parents wouldn’t want their kids in danger. That’s why we go to war in the first place: to protect the family,”

“Where does that put me?” Zuko asked tiredly.

“I don’t know,” when he saw Zuko’s surprise, he gave a small, genuine laugh, “I won’t pretend to understand your position, Prince Zuko. I can only say that it is a difficult one and that you need to figure out what you want on your own. Do pause to think what family means to you, whether you can call your father and sister _your_ family. The boat will wait as it is for a day; I suggest you decide fast and act accordingly,”

With that, he walked heavily towards the steps and climbed. On the top most rung, he half turned and said, “I don’t know what you told Katara in the crystal caves, but she is seriously concerned about you. As a father, I would hate to see my daughter upset. Do consider that, if you please.”

Zuko left the storage with more confusion than when he had entered it. He went to his room, bolted the door, and fell back on the bed. Who was his family? Could he _change_ his family? He wished he were the son of a farmer or a fisher. He wished he lived in simpler times where no one bothered about such overwhelming questions. He tossed and turned, hoping to find something, anything that he could take as a foothold to start his reasoning. The sun was rising when he fell asleep from fatigue, and he was still nowhere close to a decision. What would he do? Time was ticking…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A month ago, I managed to convince my mom to watch ATLA with me, and today we have finished it, so I decided that you guys will hear all about it :). At first, I didn’t know how to feel about introducing a potential Kataang supporter to the fandom (my mom is not dedicated enough to be an all round shipper), but it all turned out finer than I expected. Her favourite turned out to be Toph and uncle Iroh; she loved Sokka and Katara’s sibling dynamic, and she spent the show with half insult, half endearment phrases for Zuko, which I didn’t know what to feel about, but again, watching something with family does unlock some local commentary :).  
> Naturally, I sat down with her and my sister to assign a character to each member of our family. Turns out, ATLA has literally copied from us:  
> • My mom is 100% Katara  
> • My younger brother is 100% Aang  
> • My other brother is Sokka minus the extroversion.  
> • My sister thinks I am Uncle Iroh (too good, I know. Even though I am more of a water bender). My mom was very amused by this because I had just bought my bizarre fruit teas that day. Also, I found the White Dragon tea in my local tea shop :)  
> • My sister thought she was Zuko (Because I spend a good deal of time talking sense into her as Uncle Iroh does), but she is more Azula to me, minus the pure evil .  
> • My dad is definitely an earth bender, but not Bumi or Toph so I gotta think about that one.  
> Now about my mom’s opinions:  
> • First off, she was very impatient viewer, so she made me spoil Zuko's entire arc (I know, that's evil, but she begged and begged). I did manage to keep the ancestry and the Crossroads situation secret though, but she still wasn’t angry with him, just sad that he had lost his way :). Anyway, her general reaction was, "Is there anything that hasn't happened to Zuko? Poor child," and frankly, who can argue?  
> • She said this thing about season 1 Zuko which I found interesting, mainly because I hadn't told her anything about his backstory yet: "He is, deep down, a respectful kid. He tolerates his uncle's irrelevant ventures, and apologizes at the end if he is wrong." I never thought anyone could be open-minded about season 1 Zuko without knowing his story, so that was sweet.  
> • I also had to tell her that Azula goes crazy at the end and she basically said, "Oh, I feel so sorry for her (sarcasm)." Being the righteous person she is, she had a very hard time admiring or sympathizing with Azula (I myself still can't fully manage that frankly).  
> • She admired the cultural complexity and the strong defence of Ba Sing Se, but was appalled by the Dai Li's brainwashing activities.  
> • She has concluded (as have I) that the Fire Nation is ingenious in technology and their strength comes mainly from ingenuity, not from their bending. She specifically admired the design of the drill (you can just tell we are a family of engineers).  
> • She loved the Tales of Ba Sing Se as a break from all the serious war mess going around. (Also, Zuko's hair from the date. We were hysterical with laughter).  
> • Told her about how Zuko becomes the dad of the group and she was delighted.  
> • When she learned about Roku and prophecy of the strong fire bender, she said, “That’s Azula, right?” and I grumbled. I mean, Azula and Zuko are both talented. I read this thing where someone pointed out that Zuko’s fire was more visceral, that his fire was deeply connected to his emotions, like the guy turns around and snorts fire when he is angry, which is something Azula would never do, heh. But adding my own opinion: Zuko is weaker at moments of turmoil, but once he makes up his mind, he can match Azula. I mean, he fought ferociously at the Crossroads, in the Southern Raiders, and the finale. That’s all because he was decided in those moments (more or less).  
> • When I first told her about Maiko she was like, "What? That sulking girl? No way, urgh," with an expression of utter annoyance, and again, who could argue? After the prison scene though, she thought that maybe they could work. Maybe. At least she didn’t turn out full Kataang.  
> • You see, she thinks that Kataang is what the writers want us to see (coughs), but character-wise, Zuko and Katara are more mature, responsible and self-sacrificing. She even said that she thought Zuko was more mature than Katara because he had to go against his family and entire belief system over the course of the show, and as a result, he became wise beyond his years.  
> • She thinks Taang could be a thing because they are the same age and level of maturity. I am not all up for Taang (gonna write an essay on the my ships later), but I’ll let it pass. It’s better than Maiko…


	5. The Tales of Appa and Zuko

Contrary to his usual habit, Zuko woke up quite late. He went to the deck and saw, from the sun’s position, that it must be at least two in the afternoon. He shifted uncomfortably as he realized that he had a matter of hours to make what could perhaps be the most influential decision of his life.

“Hey, Zuko!”

He turned around to see a grinning Avatar walking towards him.

“What now?” he said, in a half angry, half resigned tone. Why was he even trying? He could go along with anything since he had nothing to do.

“Would you like me to give you a tour of the ship?”

“No,”

“Great! Let’s get started then,” said the Avatar, grabbing his arm

Zuko was so indignantly shocked at the answer and the gesture that he stayed still which allowed the boy to drag him wherever he went.

“This is the engine room. Sokka drags me here all the time and I bend air into the engines as he studies them…”

Next were the fuel rooms, then the dining hall, then the bedrooms. The Avatar explained in detail where everyone stayed, where the ship headed, and what happened in all those ten days Zuko had missed. Zuko, for his part, could have cared less about sleeping arrangements or engines, but he remained silent when he saw the boy talk about matters of more importance to him. He was aware that sometimes one has to put up with irrelevant jargon to learn something useful, so he subjected everything that was said to scrutiny.

“So here we are again, on deck, where- oh, Katara! Toph! Sokka! Come along!” the Avatar shouted as he waved at his friends.

Zuko looked around with a more relaxed expression. He was still slightly angry, but at least, he knew everything that had passed in those ten days. That made him feel less like the world had just existed blankly for ten days and more like he had had an exceptionally long nap as life went on.

“I was just showing Zuko around. Oh, by the way, Appa is there, on your left. I wouldn’t approach him if I were you because he probably doesn’t realize that you-Appa, stop!”

The sky bison had stood up as its master spoke. It growled at Zuko, who tried to shield his face with his arms, and then, it licked him from head to toe. The Avatar and his friends stood dead in their tracks as Zuko fell back. The sky bison licked him twice more before he shouted: “Stop it! Enough!”

At that, it sat once again, growling in a saddened tone. Meanwhile, Zuko sat up, glaring at the sky bison, and tried to rub his face on his clothes, which were equally covered in saliva.

“I did not expect _that_ ,” Sokka laughed as the group reached Zuko.

“Wow, I mean, good call Appa!” The Avatar whistled, “Why is he so friendly with you?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?” Zuko hissed.

“You have upset Appa,” Katara mumbled, “You can be really mean, you know,”

“Oh, I should have just let him give me a saliva shower, my bad,” he stood up and shook his head to let the saliva off his hair.

“That’s suspicious,” Toph smirked as she petted Appa.

“What do you mean?”

“Ah, I see what she is getting at,” Sokka narrowed his eyes, “Appa likes you more than I ever will probably, and yet, you claim to not know the reason,”

“So?” Zuko asked angrily.

“Just tell us, will you? Your heart is beating like a sparrow’s,” Toph snapped, “And don’t lie. I know when people lie.”

Zuko gave her a questioning glance. It took him a full minute to remember that the girl was blind and that she probably couldn’t see him expecting an explanation. It was thus one awkwardly wasted minute.

“Well?”

“I-I was…” Zuko started, not knowing how the rest would come. He just hoped he wouldn’t dive into unnecessary details. “I was the one who set him free in Ba Sing Se. Maybe-”

“You set Appa free? _You_?” Sokka gasped, bewildered.

“That’s twice in a row you have saved us, Zuko,” the Avatar laughed.

“I-”

“I just hope he doesn’t lose his mind over it,” Toph punched his arm.

“Oww. That-”

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Katara smiled, “She just won’t stop,”

“I have had enough of you all for today,” Zuko said as he rubbed his punched arm with his saliva-covered hand and turned to walk away. It was exhausting to talk to so many loud, energetic people at the same time. Zuko understood himself better the more he spent time here, and his major conclusion was that he hated people and chaotic, disorganized conversations.

…

Zuko didn’t even go out for dinner. He didn’t want to see or hear anyone, especially not the Avatar and his ragtag group of annoying kids. He found it hard to believe that he had considered staying; no, he definitely had to take that boat and sail away, even if it meant continual suffering and starvation. Just then, Katara came in with a tray of food. As determined as he was to not speak, Zuko whispered a “Thank you” as she left. He remembered wanting to talk to her about something, but nothing came to mind.

After hours of trying to sleep, he got up and took the tray to the kitchen. There, an apple caught his eye and he took it before he headed towards the deck. He figured that some fresh air would do him good. There, he spotted the sky bison and walked towards it. As soon as it saw him, it turned its head away. Zuko felt slightly guilty about that; maybe he had really been too harsh. He remembered that day he had sat with his mom, watching turtle ducks…

“Hey, sky bison,” he stuttered, “I- err- I am sorry for shouting at you. Here, have an apple,”

The sky bison shyly stared at him as he spoke. All of a sudden, it reached out for the apple and happily munched on it. It made to lick Zuko again, but Zuko held his hands up, “No licking and no groaning or they will hear us,”

The sky bison sat down again and watched him curiously. Zuko, for his part, paced around and mumbled nervously.

“I have decided. All I have to do is cut that last strand; then I will be free to go. Why am I even hesitating?”

The faces of those on the ship came before his eyes. As annoying as they were, he found it hard to leave them. They treated him kindly, which was more than what most people did. No one who had known him had treated him as such. Obviously, there was his uncle, but he didn’t count; he was family.

“Yes… _family_ ,” he sighed.

Weirdly enough, he thought of Jin. What would she have said if she had known he was the Prince of the Fire Nation? Would she have asked him out then? Would she have…kissed him? He highly doubted it.

“The truth is,” he said, as he sat down by Appa’s side, “I should leave. I have to save my uncle,”

The sky bison gave a quiet, mournful groan.

“The other option is to stay,” he shuddered, “I see what you’re getting at: these people are nice; they healed me and looked after me. That’s all good, but I feel like I cannot get along with them in the long run. I am a fire bender after all, and not a particularly lucky one. Things don’t tend to go my way,”

He paused and looked at the sky bison, expecting a response. Of course, none came, so he continued, “Also, I am ‘the bad guy’. I was the enemy. They probably don’t trust me. I wouldn’t trust me if I were them. In fact, I don’t trust them either; I don’t need to. What do you say Appa? Do they trust me?”

He did stop to wonder when he had gotten on first name terms with the sky bison.

“I am very sleep deprived and confused. Here I am, talking to you and expecting an answer. What does that say?”

Appa growled.

“This conversation is too one sided, even for me,” Zuko leaned back on Appa’s soft fur, “But you are a really good listener, you know? Maybe, you are the wisest of the group,” he paused, “Now I am really talking nonsense,”

He sat quietly and watched the stars twinkle. The soft hum of summer winds and the slow, melodious movements of the sea finally lulled him to the most peaceful sleep he had had in a long time.

...

It would be too much to expect the universe to treat him any better. Zuko had fallen asleep peacefully; it was only natural that he should wake up uncomfortable, with Sokka’s face right in front of his and the others laughing.

“Get off my face!” he growled, flipping Sokka and giving everyone a murderous look.

Normally, Sokka would have protested and Katara would have given him a disapproving stare, but they were too busy laughing. Zuko figured that they weren’t going to stop, so he folded his arms and grumbled, “Why are you laughing?”

“Oh my-” Sokka laughed on the floor with tears in his eyes, “If I have to wake up early every day- just to see this- I am definitely giving up meat. I can’t- my ribs will crack. Katara!”

“Zuko, the softy sky bison cuddler!” Toph laughed, holding her stomach.

“What! Arghhh!” Zuko sprang up, remembering the night in a flash. Appa growled and licked him again, which made him even angrier, “No licking! We agreed!”

Sokka let out a fresh burst of laughter, “Formal agreement- Appa won’t lick Zuko- I can’t- Katara, make it stop,”

“That’s quite enough,” Katara said as she tried hold in her laugh and helped her brother up, “It’s not that we never slept on Appa,”

“Oh come on,” the Avatar protested, “It’s Zuko we’re talking about- all darkness and stuff. Turns out, he is a fluff fan,”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Yes, hotman,”

“Oh yes, I almost forgot the hotman, oh my-,” Sokka burst again.

“I don’t have time for this-”

“He is blushing, isn’t he? Sparky is embarrassed. Or should I call him Fluffy?”

“Toph-,”

“Enough!” Zuko shouted. He then looked at Katara, “Where is your father? I need to talk to him,”

“He is at the wheel,”

Zuko didn’t bother asking further. This was a fire nation ship; it was home. He turned on his heel and walked to the front most room with a nervous step. He was angry about the ordeals of the morning, but at this point, he realized that he would panic if things _did_ go perfectly.

He reached the door and knocked thrice.

“Enter,”

Zuko opened the door and saw a few water tribe men talking together. They all stared- no, more like glared, at him as he walked in.

“How can I help?” Hakoda asked with a smile.

“I need to talk to you. Alone,” Zuko frowned.

The other tribe members looked at him suspiciously, but Zuko didn’t budge. At last, Hakoda shrugged and motioned for everyone to leave.

“Well? I trust you had a good night’s sleep?” he smiled.

“I have decided,” Zuko sighed. How had he even come at this decision after everything? How could he?

“And?”

“I am staying,”

“Ah, so you do have some sense about you. That’s great news,”

“What will you do with the boat? Will you just toss it out to the sea?”

“Hell, no,” the man laughed, “We might need it. I will just tie it with a proper rope so it doesn’t fall,” he continued in a half whisper, “How dramatic you fire nation people are!”

“What!” Zuko shouted, “So why did you force me to decide so fast?”

“I mean, we are in a bit of a hurry, saving the world and all. I had to know if we had a potential impostor,” after a small pause, he added, “You are not backing out, are you?”

“What, no! I don’t turn back on my word!”

“I am glad,” Hakoda replied, but when he saw how enraged Zuko was, he continued contently, “You know, Prince Zuko, I shared some wisdom that I see you have taken to heart. Another piece of advice: sometimes, you have to realize that we are, all of us, almost equally insignificant. Life goes on, with or without us. That’s why it is always worthwhile to _change_ , to find something that makes us glad to be alive, because if not for joy and love, what do we stay alive for?”

Zuko didn’t reply. He wanted to tell himself that he understood his decision and this man’s words, but he was truly out of his depth. What about changes that brought only regret, sorrow, and a fire nation prison? Was this decision only a way to prove to himself that he wasn’t afraid, even after death?

Hakoda walked towards the door, “We have a war council. Care to join?”

“Ok,” Zuko shrugged.

“ _What could go wrong?_ ” he asked himself, not without a touch of irony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok more opinions from last time. I left this one for here because it's actually the point my mom and I argued the most on:  
> We had the most intense argument about whether Aang ended the war the right way. She thinks yes because that’s the worst punishment for Ozai and that this would kill him slowly, bit by bit. I say no because if my history knowledge has taught me anything, it is that deposed rulers are a problem. I mean, Napoleon had that whole Waterloo episode, and what if Hitler or Mussolini had lived after WWII? I think that what Aang did was worse for Ozai at a personal level, but frankly, I still demand societal justice in this case. Also, Ozai living will probably cause more rebellions and outbreaks than necessary, and it will probably haunt Zuko forever that he had to imprison his father (such things get people sooner or later). And nope, I am still not reading the comics or watching LoK: Aang can’t be an inattentive father; Sokka and Suki can’t die young; Zutara couldn’t have been lost, Toph can’t leave behind all her friends. Just no, thank you. For me, The Gaang will remain together forever, perfect as they are :)  
> Also, just for curiosity's sake, what do you guys think? Did Aang end the war the right way?


	6. Of Tea and Battle Plans

Naturally, he was wrong. A lot could go wrong.

The council was a disaster. Everyone talked out of turn, interrupted one another, tossed things about, joked, ate, drank, and laughed. Zuko was apprehensive of a fight breaking out every second. He seriously thought these people had never been to war. Where was the organization, the strictness, the _fear_?

“Hey, bring the water! Let’s make some tea,” Hakoda grinned and Zuko started. He didn’t care what they said, that tea was certainly _not_ jasmine. There was no way he was going to put up with another cup. He spoke carelessly, “Let me make the tea,”

He expected Hakoda to shout and a fight to ensue. Instead, he nodded, “Sure, go ahead,”

Zuko picked up the tea jar. When had he become so obsessed with making tea right?

“ _That’s it. I am becoming uncle. He is probably projecting himself onto me somehow and making me brew tea and show empathy_ ,” he thought

He was about to put the leaves into the water when he realized, to his horror, that this wasn’t tea at all.

“Hey, this isn’t tea,” he yelled, “Where is the tea?”

“That is tea,” Hakoda answered.

“No, it’s not,”

“I knew it,” the Avatar whispered.

“Then what is it?”

“This,” Zuko slammed the jar on the table, “is a mixture of seaweed and various herbs. It is used as a paste to stop the infection of wounds,”

“Nonsense,”

“It is only used in the fire nation,” Zuko replied in a disgusted voice, “How long have you been drinking this?”

“Since we set sail,”

Zuko shook his head resignedly and sat down.

“I liked it,” the Chief whispered and the others looked at him unbelievingly.

“Will we die?” Sokka asked fearfully.

“No,” Zuko replied, leaning his cheek on his hand.

“You sound disappointed,” Toph laughed.

“Do I?”

“Alright, party’s over. Let’s get to business,” Hakoda knocked on the table twice, “Prince Zuko has joined our cause. I was going to suggest that we drink tea to the occasion, but we will have to make do with water,” he raised his glass and smiled at Zuko, “Welcome aboard.”

Everyone did likewise and Zuko felt his cheeks burn, “What are you doing?” he whispered, embarrassed.

“Celebrating a new member. Don’t you do that in the Fire Nation?”

“We do none of this in the Fire Nation,” Zuko replied quietly.

“No pre-council party? How do you get on then?”

“We-we all sit down, and seriously discuss… _things_ ,” Zuko felt like he was choking, “Generals take turns to speak, and if someone doesn’t follow the rules or if there is a major disagreement, an Agni Kai takes place. People get burnt…there is also death…” he became quiet as he realized what a dismal picture he had painted.

No one said a word for a full minute. Zuko had apparently underestimated his ability to make things awkward and unpleasant. He wished he could just casually burst into flames and stop burdening these people with his miserable presence.

“Anyway,” The Chief cleared his throat, “Let’s get on without any casualties,”

...

Zuko didn’t pay much attention to the battle plans as he was seriously busy scratching the wooden table with his knife. The only thing he gathered was that for a few minutes on some day, fire benders wouldn’t be able to bend, and somehow, that would be a perfect opportunity for invading the fire nation capital. The absurdity of the idea itself made him more inattentive than any battle plan they could have come up with. Knowing the fire nation well, Zuko looked upon all the discussions with careless skepticism.

“And then, Aang would go in and- hey, can you stop doing that, you’re distracting me,” Sokka protested.

“What?” Zuko asked as the knife scratched the table once again.

“Stop scratching the table,”

“Why?”

“It’s distracting. We’re making battle plans over here,”

Zuko looked at the map, at Sokka, and then at all the people who sat around, listening to this nonsense.

“I could come up with a better plan with my eyes closed,” he scoffed.

Sokka sat back, folding his arms with a smirk, “Please go ahead. We all know you to be a great strategist,”

Zuko gingerly took a parchment and the ink set. He then undid a bandage he had tied around his wrist and covered his eyes with it.

“You don’t actually have to-oh, ok, you already did,” he heard the Chief say.

Zuko took a deep breath and started measuring the parchment, taking the distance between his thumb and forefinger as a basis. Once he had found the center, he pressed his left thumb upon it and drew the curled _tail_ of islands on its right. The curl widened to the _stomach_ , a large, grey, industrial region that Zuko longed to see, if only for one second. Even the ugliest parts of his nation had an appeal to him, who had not been home for a lifetime now. Then came the dreaded _heart_ , the fire nation capital, which he planted in the middle, at his thumb. Maybe he was mistaken; as difficult as it was to admit, _this_ was the ugliest part of home; he could not even long for it. The _head_ came last, coiling around the precious heart, yearning to protect it. The _dragon_ of the Fire Nation. _Who would dare venture into the dragon’s heart?_

“I am assuming we are here-” Zuko pointed north east of crescent islands

“Ha- he doesn’t even know where we are,” Sokka laughed.

“There, we are here,” Hakoda took his hand and put it further east and a little more to the north.

Zuko shrugged, “So we are still in Earth Kingdom waters. You guys are slow and predictable,”

“Just get on with your idea,” Katara said exasperatedly, “You don’t have to jab at every turn,”

Zuko was about to point out that they spent the better part of most days laughing at him, but he changed his mind. He figured that his feelings would burst out of him at some point, and he would get back at everyone for messing with him, but he knew well that a war council was no place for bickering.

“My idea is that it is futile to attempt a head-on invasion of the capital,” he declared decisively and paused a moment, allowing it to sink in, keeping his head down all the while because he felt too self-conscious without his sight.

“So we should just…not?” The Avatar asked, confused.

“Well not as Sokka put it, definitely not. I didn’t listen much, but what I heard would be absolutely useless,”

“Well, they won’t have their bending-”

“I hate to be the bison in the room, but the Fire Nation has the least amount of benders by population and percentage, but it is still winning the war. It isn’t about the bending really; everything is about form, discipline, and _fear_. If you were to dive head first into all that, even with the shock value, you wouldn’t succeed, for you could take down a hundred men with one of yours and still rue the exchange,”

“So what do you suggest?” Toph banged her fist on the table, “We can’t just back down!”

“I suggest that we use it more wisely, not abandon it entirely. Either way, it is a suicide mission, so I say let’s make it count. You mentioned an inventor who could create complex weapons and machinery. Instead of making water tribe ships and signaling your arrival to the enemy, why don’t you have him model some fire nation ships after this one and enter the capital unhindered, without a single loss?”

No one answered, which encouraged him to go on, “Until then, you can learn to act like Fire Nation soldiers, so you wouldn’t have trouble at the gates. Once there, you could say that you have an urgent business with the Fire Lord and easily get as many as twenty men into the palace. The ships could wait in the harbor with some of your own men as you can’t trust the enemy to protect your ships forever,” here, he couldn’t suppress an ironic smile, “You get in, kill the Fire Lord, capture Azula, and it’s all over,”

Zuko waited for a reply. Naturally, the Chief spoke first, “What ‘business’ could be urgent enough for the soldiers to grant us safe passage right before the eclipse?”

Zuko’s blood turned to ice in his veins. He was struck by a sudden idea- a horrible, insane idea-that appealed to his despair. He spoke out in a calm, quiet voice despite the trilling of his heart.

“Say, for instance, that you were escorting a valuable prisoner,”

“Aha, and what do we do when they ask to see this prisoner?”

“He will be there,” when he realized that they were still clueless, Zuko lowered the cover from his eyes, “The Fire Lord has my uncle, and you have his son,”

Their eyes widened with understanding; it did seem like a manic idea, but Zuko was as determined as ever. He didn’t betray a single emotion; his eyes were as empty as was his heart. There was no turning back.

“Dad, this is madness,” Sokka spoke, “Our forces will be split in two without any connections. If the soldiers suspect us, the whole plan fails,”

Zuko folded his arms, “At least I am not invading the most protected city in all four nations with five ships,”

“No, you are doing it with twenty men,”

“From within the palace, disguised as the enemy,”

“Those will be twenty dead men if they are discovered,”

“And yours will be ghost-ridden ships before reaching the harbor,”

“Meeting adjourned,”

“What?” both boys asked at the same time.

“Meeting adjourned,”

“But which plan will we follow, dad?” Katara asked, seeing that the boys were too busy frowning.

“I will decide as soon as possible. For now, we should all rest,”


	7. Night Encounter

Zuko walked away from the meeting with growls. He ignored Sokka making faces at him, went to his room, shut the door, and started walking around, exhaling smoke. He realized that his fire wasn’t at its peak, but he carelessly attributed this to injury, fatigue and lack of practice.

“I should have just let them get on with their stupid plan. What is it to me, anyway?” he mumbled as he gritted his teeth.

“Zuko, can I come in?”

That was Katara’s voice. He sat on his bed and growled, “Sure,”

He was certain that she was going to talk about how rude he was and how crazy his plan sounded. If only these people knew what could be achieved with a sneak attack.

“ _No, they have to make a scene of it_ ,” he thought to himself.

“Hey, I just wanted to check on you,” Katara said kindly as she closed the door behind her.

“Check on me?” he asked suspiciously.

“Your wound…I wanted to see how it is healing,”

“I thought you were done healing it since you never came,”

“Dad had asked me to not bother you when you were…thinking,” she smiled.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt so it must be alright. I don’t think you should worry,”

She looked as though she was about to protest, but Zuko gave her such a resolute look that she understood he wouldn’t budge.

“Suit yourself,” she said in a colder voice and went out.

Zuko lied on his back and instantly fell into a deep sleep filled with bizarre dreams. He was back in the Earth Kingdom, in the very same place, the same second…

_The sadistic glow in her eyes…the blast of lightning…white light and darkness evermore…_

He jumped up and his hand instinctively went for the burning wound below his right collarbone. His fingers trembled as they touched the burnt skin, but he pressed harder to alleviate the pain. Had that been just a dream? The wound felt fresh; his body was reliving the pain. Zuko clenched his teeth and doubled over; a knife in his body wouldn’t have hurt this much.

He struggled, growled, and bit his knuckles hopelessly for what seemed like an eternity (but which was only half an hour). Nothing seemed to work. Beads of sweat formed on his arms and forehead. Was there no way out? He could bear it no longer.

He struggled to his feet and went out. Writhing in pain, he leaned his back to the wall and tried to think straight. How could he go to Katara when he had told her off so unceremoniously? She would tease him, which would be awful, as she was the only one who did not. Maybe she wouldn’t even accept him, and he hated the fact that she would be right.

It was only when his vision began to blur that he finally decided to knock her door. He thought he was already in such a horrid condition that it really didn’t matter what anyone else would think. He dragged his feet to her room and knocked thrice. The effort drained him, so he grasped the side of the door to avoid falling to his knees.

“Katara,” he whispered, “Open the door. Please,”

Just when he was starting to get angry with himself for venturing out, the door opened. A sleepy Katara stood in the doorway, rubbing her eyes. When she saw him, she stood straighter and tried to suppress a yawn.

“What is it, Zuko?”

“I-” he paused, feeling guilty, “Sorry. You were asleep,”

“You look terrible,” she said in a worried voice. When Zuko lowered his head, she spoke again, “It is the wound, isn’t it?”

He nodded, as he was unable to think of anything to say. She would tell him off any minute now.

“I’ll come right away,” she said, folding her arms, “Just let me get my cloak,”

“Why?” Zuko blurted out, even more embarrassed than he would have been if she had sent him back.

“Because you need help,” she answered simply as she quickly fastened her cloak, “Now let’s get to your room,”

The journey to Katara’s room had seemed like a long one, but Zuko realized that there was only one room between hers and his. Once they got to his room, Katara closed the door.

“Take off your sash,” she said as she dipped her hands in the full bowl.

Zuko did as he was told. He couldn’t even look at her out of shame and anger. Now, he wished she teased him or shouted at him; that would make him feel better for being so rude earlier. Instead, she was being kind without a single comment.

“Now, try not to move,” she said as she pressed her white, glowing hands on his wound. The pain didn’t cease, but it gradually became more bearable. Zuko felt like she had pulled an icicle out of him; he could breathe freely again.

“Did you experience such pain in the last two days?”

“Not this bad, no,”

“It must have been the stress,” when he unwillingly looked at her, she continued, “You were probably so lost in thought that you forgot about your pain. That happens sometimes; a small shock may act as a reminder that the wound-”

“You are very kind,” Zuko interrupted in a choking voice, “I am sorry for being rude earlier and for waking you up,”

“It’s alright,” she smiled, “But next time, just listen to me. It would be better for both of us,”

She got up to leave. Only then did Zuko remember what had bugged him the whole day.

“Katara?” he called

“Yes?”

“Did you tell anyone what I told you in the crystal caves about my mother?”

Her face darkened, “No,”

“I would appreciate it if you never brought that up, ever,” Zuko sighed, relieved, “In fact, just forget it,”

“I am sorry, Zuko,” she said in a serious, resolute voice, “I don’t think I can forget anything that happened on that day,”

Their eyes met for a moment. Zuko saw something of the ocean in her blue eyes; they were deep but shiny, clear but mysterious, cold but burning with resolve. Katara saw that fire and pain had nestled deep in the Prince’s golden eyes. She shivered in the face of such destructive despair, such wasted capacity for goodness. What if all had been reversed?

“Good night,” she whispered and walked away quickly before she was overwhelmed by that harrowing gaze.


	8. The Island

“Whatever plan is making us get up this late at night I am against it. Even if it is my own,” Sokka grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Zuko agreed, but didn’t say anything, fearing that one agreement with Sokka might lead to other agreements. Also, it had been five eventless days at sea, and when something finally did happen, he didn’t want to be the one who complained.

“So, which plan are we going for?” Katara yawned.

“I am working it all out,” her father said as he looked ahead at the island they were approaching, “Did you understand all that I said?”

“Yes, but do you think Toph can extract that much metal? Is there even that much metal there?”

“I think she is up to the challenge,” Hakoda smiled, “And I am not worried about the metal. If this inventor could do so much for the fire nation, I am sure he can spare a few scraps for us,”

“He is a good guy, dad. He was just…afraid,” Katara pursed her lips, “I am just worried about Aang and Toph. I wish I could have gone with them,”

“You must understand, Katara. They have to go fast and avoid any extra weight. They will be fine,”

“What is my part in all this?” Zuko snapped. His patience was already wearing thin.

“You will stay on the island with Sokka and Katara until Aang and Toph return,”

“So you want me to babysit for you?” Zuko asked angrily.

“Katara is healing you, so you must go with her, and I wouldn’t call it babysitting, really. How old are you anyway? 15?”

“16” Zuko gritted his teeth.

“Well, to someone who is 35, you all look the same,” Hakoda grinned.

“I could be of more use on the ship,” Zuko tried again. He really didn’t want to be left behind with nothing to do for an entire week, “I know a lot of people. I can help recruit,”

“And remind me, how many of those people will attack you on sight because you have angered them?”

Zuko folded his arms without a response. He was an enemy of The Earth and Fire Kingdoms, and The Water Tribes weren’t fond of him either. In short, he was just trouble wherever he went, and they all knew it.

“Well, if you have trouble finding anyone, go to June,” he said drily and immediately regretted it as he remembered June constantly suggesting that Katara was his girlfriend. It was awkward back then, even with his anger. Now, to have her talk to Katara’s father was folly. He could just imagine what she would say…

“On second thoughts, don’t go to June. Like, ever,”

“Who is June?” Katara and her father asked.

“I know,” Sokka snapped his fingers, “Isn’t she the hunter girl with the weird animal? The one who thought Katara was your girlfriend?”

“She did what?” Hakoda asked in surprise and Zuko gulped.

“Thank you, Sokka,”

“Anytime,”

“It was nothing dad,” Katara started quickly, “It was back when Zuko was…uh… following us. He had my…sleeping bag, so the animal was tracking me instead of Aang. That’s how the misunderstanding arose,”

“And you characteristically left that part of your adventures out,” her father looked at the pair of them with an amused, yet strained look before turning away.

Katara mouthed, “That was close,”

Zuko agreed, but as it was his habit to try his luck, he started again, as smugly as he could manage, “So you still want to send me with your daughter?”

“I don’t see why not,”

“Well, it wouldn’t give the best impression, given the ‘misunderstanding’,”

Katara blushed and looked like she was going to kill him, but Zuko shrugged carelessly. Her father turned with the same bizarre expression and walked up to him until they were face to face. Then, he spoke slowly, “There will be no more misunderstandings because as soon as someone merely suggests the idea, you will _emphatically_ deny it. Is that clear?”

Zuko held his gaze for a moment and realized that it perhaps was not entirely wise to turn the Chief against himself. He lowered his head in assent and the man mumbled, “Glad we could agree,” as he walked away to the steering room.

As soon as he was out of sight and before Katara could chide Zuko, Sokka let out a boisterous laugh.

“Nice try. I am impressed!”

“Shut up Sokka!” Katara shrieked and turned on Zuko, “What the hell was that?” Zuko blinked a few times; she hadn’t looked that angry with him since she had shouted at him in the crystal caves.

“I-”

“I had to lie for you and you just go ahead and ruin everything!”

“Katara-”

“Do you ever think things through? You really should and save me the trouble-”

“Katara, I am not interested in you!”

She scoffed, “Who is not interested in whom? You would be lucky,”

Zuko pressed his hand to his face at his wording. Why couldn’t he just talk like normal people?

“I meant to say that I am not interested in relationships in general, not you as in you. I mean, why would I be interested in you in that way- we are just normal…people, talking, healing, overthrowing…nations…with a bit of luck,”

Katara folded her arms and Zuko stopped talking as he realized that he wasn’t making much sense. “Just think better next time,”

“I have a question,” Sokka leaned forward, laughing, “You said you aren’t interested in ‘relationships’. So, what sort of ships are you interested in?”

Zuko looked pleadingly at Katara, “Is it too late to extract that spirit water and to just let me die?”

“I am afraid so,”

“Then let’s just get on that island before I think the better of it,” Zuko scoffed

…

“Sokka, don’t drive your sister crazy. Katara, listen to your brother. Take care of each other, both of you,”

“I will miss you guys,” the Avatar pursed his lips.

Toph punched Katara’s arm, “Bye Sugar Queen. You will have a whole island to yourself with Sokka and Zuko. You might even miss me!”

They all hugged and Zuko looked away, waiting for it to be over. He felt that this was a mean sentiment, but he could come up with no explanation for his own behaviour.

“Prince Zuko,” the Chief turned to him, “Once Aang and Toph return, it is your task to ensure that everyone fits in. I don’t want any of you in trouble,”

Zuko put his fist against his palm in salute and said nothing. The fact that such a position of trust was bestowed upon him was…surprising. How could they…?

Just as he was lost in thought, the Avatar came up to him and hugged him, “Take care, Zuko. Thank you for everything,”

Zuko, shocked, looked up at Katara who mouthed, “Hug him back.” He couldn’t actually bring himself to do that, but he awkwardly patted the boy on the shoulder.

“Goodbye, Sparky. See you in a week,”

All went back to the ship except for the three of them. Zuko watched sadly as it sailed away, always hoping that it would come back to take him, that this was all a terrible water tribe joke. It wasn’t.

“Since Toph is gone, how will we divide the island?” he started

“What? Why?”

“So we don’t see each other unless it is necessary?”

Katara put her hands on her hips and stared at him judgmentally.

“Well, you don’t expect me to get along peacefully with _that_ ,” he waved his hand towards Sokka.

“Oh really? Because I am dying to befriend a fire nation Prince,”

“Please do,”

“Stop it both of you!”

Both turned to look at Katara. She rolled her eyes, “Sokka, don’t tease Zuko, and Zuko, don’t worry. My brother looks wild, but he doesn’t bite,”

“I am not afraid of Sokka!”

“I can bite!”

“Come along,”

Katara walked towards the caves and the two boys followed her with growls.

...

Zuko’s mood worsened as the days went by. Not only did he have to put up with Sokka’s shenanigans, he also began to realize that his bending was going away. It wasn’t about the injury as he had initially thought; Katara had said that it had healed completely. He didn’t doubt his stance or strength either, but as soon as he tried to bend, a fistful of fire was all that he could produce. He was truly puzzled, and he was too ashamed to talk about it, which angered him. It got to a point where he couldn’t even bear to see Katara water bend as it reminded him of his own loss. He sought solitude more intensely than ever, just so he could avoid talking to the siblings. Sometimes, he found himself wishing he could avoid himself too, if only for a moment. If only he could escape his own thoughts…

“So as you see, I am entirely useless,” he grumbled as he tried a stance for the hundredth time that day, “Fire bending is everything to me; I don’t know if any bender can live without his bending, but I surely can’t. I can’t…”

He fell to his knees in despair and continued breathlessly, “Azula would be so happy to see me this desperate, wouldn’t she? And father… well, there it is. His initial excuse to kill me has become real. I hope you are happy now,” he gritted his teeth at the sky, “My death is all you have ever wanted, and now, it is what I want. I should have gone after uncle right away; I know I should have. They messed with my head. At least, then, I wouldn’t have to put up with this disgrace!” with his last word, he struck the earth with his fists.

The badger frog croaked and Zuko groaned in response, “Will you shut up and listen?”

“Hello, is anyone there?” he heard Katara say.

“Quick, go away!” Zuko hissed at the frog.

“Zuko, what are you doing here?” she emerged from behind some bushes, “I heard talking,”

“Nothing,” Zuko fiddled anxiously and the frog croaked again, which prompted Zuko to give it a deadly stare.

“I could see it anyway if that makes you feel better,” Katara giggled, “So, you are talking to a frog? Is it good company?”

“What are you doing here anyway? Were you spying on me?”

“No, I just came here to practice my bending. The other places are too rocky,” she paused a little to give him a questioning glance, “What about you? Are you really talking to a frog?”

“Yes,”

“Why?”

“Because a frog will never ask me why I am talking to it,”

The frog croaked a third time and jumped into the water.

“But it will apparently go away,”

“Apparently,” Zuko got up and started to walk away. He had no interest in watching the water bender and shaming himself. Besides, he was beginning to feel tired; he felt tired ever since they landed on this cursed island, but each day was worse than the one before it. His strength waned, as did his hope. Hope. What a funny word.

“Zuko, wait,” he stopped, so she continued, “How about talking to a person for a change?”

“No. They talk too much and judge too quickly,”

“I will be as quiet as a frog. Would you like me to croak once in a while?”

Zuko turned to face her. He didn’t understand whether he was amused by her words or moved by their meaning.

“Aren’t you practicing your bending?”

“I am, but I can postpone it if it bothers you,”

“It’s alright,” he said with difficulty and walked towards her cautiously. A huge whip of water emerged as her hands moved lightly, directing its movements. Here was pure talent; what had he expected? Everyone in the Avatar’s team had raw talent, and he was just…Zuko. He had to fight for it all; now, he didn’t even have the will to do that.

Katara cleared her throat and whispered, “Just imagine I am any other frog,”

He shook his head and leaned against a rock. Obviously, imagining her as a frog was as difficult as talking to her. He looked at the vast sea instead and tried to imagine he was alone.

“I would have a better time imagining Sokka as a frog. He has the voice and the looks,” she didn’t laugh or chide, which comforted Zuko. He went on more calmly, “He is not an actual problem, though. Most of my problems are deadly, like…like lightning, if you will. It all comes down to that in my head these days: lightning and Azula. I am trying to remember…how it felt. How death at the hands of my own sister felt. No amount of words are ever enough. I hate her. I hate Azula and my father-”

Zuko stopped as he was taken aback by his words and how natural they felt. He heard the water whip fall into the sea with a splash and looked over. Katara was trying to bring it up again to cover up her surprise at what he had said. He would have appreciated her efforts at acting neutral if he hadn’t been so overwhelmed himself. He took a few deep breaths and went on:

“Yes, I hate them. There is no turning back on it. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them!” he dug his nails into the rock behind him, “I know what you will think. How can you trust a person who turns against his family so easily? Who hates his family so sincerely? Family is what defines us, isn’t it? Where does that put me? What does that make me? A hateful traitor! A cowardly backstabber! You can go ahead and judge. Just say that I am terrible, that I don’t deserve anything. Just tell me to leave. I will feel better, and so will you, believe me,”

Since, there was no reply, he looked up angrily and caught the questioning glance in Katara’s eyes.

“Well? Speak, why don’t you?”

Just as he had uttered those words, he realized that Katara had extended her hand towards him. Her fingers moved closer slowly, yet determinedly. Zuko instinctively shrunk against the rocks; he had nothing to protect him. No fire, no blade; his uncle wasn’t coming for him either. He was alone, alone in the whole world, against any harm that could come to him, through this hand or any other.

All these were the hidden musings of a split second, hidden even from his conscious self. He moved aside when the hand was just a few inches from him, and ran away without pausing to see Katara’s surprised and hurt expression.


	9. The Headband

The next morning, Zuko felt ashamed of having run away. He had no idea why he had been so weak. It wasn’t that she had never touched him; she had been healing him for weeks, and he had put up with it.

“ _Why then_?” he thought.

“Hey, look at that!” Sokka yelled, “What a weird cloud!”

“That’s not…a cloud,” Zuko replied quietly as he stared at the huge white thing that approached the island. Katara stood up, and they all took a fighting stance.

“At my signal,” Sokka whispered.

Zuko was about to protest, but he decided that it wasn’t worth the effort, so he nodded.

“Hey guys!” they heard a familiar voice call from within. A current of air was unleashed upon them, and they stared, staggered, as the Avatar, Toph, and Appa emerged.

“Hey! You are back!” Katara shouted and ran towards the kids, “How did metal extraction go?”

“It was pretty great,” Toph laughed, “The Fire Nation will not be pleased,”

“Nice cloud camo, guys, but next time, be the kind of cloud that knows how to keep its mouth shut,” Sokka folded his arms, annoyed at the commotion.

“Yeah, we wouldn't want a bird to hear us chatting and turn us in,” Toph snapped

“Hey, we're in enemy territory,” Sokka whispered, pointing at some toucan puffins on the rock above, “Those are enemy birds,”

“You were happy enough to live with them for a week,” Zuko sighed, knowing that there was no way Sokka would ever listen to sense.

Sokka gave him a mocking stare and walked towards the cave as he talked, “Well, this is it. This is how we will live until the invasion begins. Hiding in cave after cave after cave after cave …”

“Sokka, we don't need to become cave people. What we need is some new clothes,” Katara offered encouragingly.

“Yeah, blending in is better than hiding out. If we get Fire Nation disguises, we would be just as safe as we would be hiding in a cave,” the Avatar offered with a smile.

“Plus, they have real food out there. Does anyone want to sit in the dirt and eat cave hoppers?”

As if on cue, Momo grabbed a hopper, tried to eat it, and spat it out. Zuko shared the sentiment on the premise that staying on that island alone with these kids would be hell.

“Looks like we got outvoted, sport. Let's get some new clothes,” Sokka offered.

They flew to a bigger island, and found themselves close to a small launderer shop which made Zuko wonder whether he would start being lucky now that he was with the lucky kids that had always evaded him. 

“I don't know. These clothes belong to somebody,” The Avatar pursed his lips.

“I call the silk robe!” Katara jumped

“But if it's essential to our survival ... then I call the suit,”

Zuko, already exhausted, followed them without much enthusiasm. This reminded him of the days when he stole; he wasn’t too thrilled about the idea. He picked some crimson robe and a long, black vest with golden edges.

“Ta-dah! Normal kid,” The Avatar chanted.

“I should probably wear shoes,” Toph frowned as she sat down,” But then I won't be able to see as well. Sorry, shoes!” With that, she launched the sole of the shoe at Sokka’s face, which almost made Zuko snort. “Finally, a stylish shoe for the blind earth bender,”

“How do I look?”

Zuko turned around to see Katara wearing the kind of two-piece suit that popular city girls wore in the fire nation. It did remind him of his earlier confusion, but he couldn’t help admiring how becoming red was to her skin and hair color. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the Avatar blushing and rolled his eyes.

“Uh ... your mom's necklace,”

”Oh, yeah,” she sighed sadly, “I guess it's pretty obviously Water Tribe, isn't it?” She took off the necklace and squeezed it in her hand. Zuko wished he had something of the sort from his mother, anything at all. She had just disappeared; she had left him behind. He tried to channel some anger in that direction instead of his surroundings, which accentuated his despair. Any emotion would be welcome in this blankness; he was willing to hold even hatred close to his heart, even towards those that did not deserve it…

“Come along, Sparky,” Toph pulled him by the arm, and Zuko allowed himself to be led as though he had no will of his own.

“I used to visit my friend Kuzon here a hundred years ago, so everyone just follow my lead and stay cool, or, as they say in the Fire Nation, ‘stay flaming’,” the Avatar laughed, bringing Zuko back to reality. When had they even come into the town?

“Greetings, my good hotman,”

As soon as he heard that, Zuko realized that the “when” wasn’t a problem at all. Tiredly remembering what the Chief had said, he walked ahead to catch up with the Avatar, “You are driving too much attention. Plus, no one greets like that anymore,”

“Then how do you greet?”

“We don’t,”

“Is there any chance that you could be mistaken?”

“No, I am the Prince of the nation. I know its customs pretty well,”

“I know you are fire nation and all, but you are not really sociable,” he smiled, “I mingled with people of all classes. We’ll be fine,”

Just as Zuko was about to answer that a lot could change in a hundred years, Sokka shouted, “Food! Finally!”

“Oh, we're going to a meat place?” the Avatar asked, disappointed.

“Come on, Aang, everyone here eats meat. Even the meat! Would you look at that cow?”

“You guys go ahead. I'll just get some lettuce out of the garbage,”

“Suit yourself,” Sokka grinned as they went in. Despite having missed his nation’s food, Zuko immediately felt sick.

“So, Mr Fire Nation,” Katara looked at him with an amused expression, “Any recommendations?”

“Uhmm,” was all that Zuko could say before his head fell on the table and all went black.

…

“Where have you been? We've been worried sick. Zuko literally got sick,” Katara started as the Avatar walked in.

“I am not sick!”

“I got invited to play with some kids after school,” the Avatar smiled and Sokka shot to his feet with an expression that would have made Zuko laugh if he didn’t feel sick.

“After what!”

“I enrolled in a Fire Nation school, and I'm going back tomorrow,”

“Enrolled in what?” Sokka fell back and Toph snorted.

“How did this happen?” Katara asked in shock.

“It seems that this is the Fire Nation school uniform. Ooops,” the boy smiled awkwardly. After a bit of silence, Katara turned to Zuko.

“Zuko?”

“What?”

“How could you not realize that Aang was wearing a school uniform?”

Zuko rubbed his eyes and looked over, “Yes, that is a uniform,”

“We know now,” Sokka said, rubbing his temples.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Zuko sat up with all the anger he could muster, “Because he would not have listened anyway. It’s not that he listened when I told him to stop using that stupid greeting,”

“Well, anyway, I am going back tomorrow. It’s fun and I am learning a lot,”

“See?” Zuko waved his hand as if his point was proven.

“Aang, I'm trying to be mature and not immediately shoot down your idea, but it sounds ... really terrible,” Sokka stated.

“Yeah, we got our outfits. What do you need to go to school for?” Toph added

“Because every minute I'm in that classroom, I'm learning new things about the Fire Nation. I already have a picture of Fire Lord Ozai, see? And here's one that I made out of noodles!”

“I don’t want to see, and now I feel sick,” Zuko whispered.

“Impressive, I admit, but I still think it's too dangerous,” Sokka pursed his lips.

“I guess we'll never find out about the secret river then. It goes right to the Fire Lord's palace. We were supposed to learn about it in class tomorrow,” The Avatar smiled mischievously.

“Hmm, I am a fan of secret rivers ... fine, let's stay a few more days,”

“There is no such river!” Zuko exclaimed

“And how would you know?”

“I was born there!” Zuko said as he made fists in the air, “You know what, just do whatever you want, but don’t make me a part of it,”

“Flamey-O, hotman!”

Zuko lay back with a growl. He was somewhat angry with himself for having failed at catching such an imprudent group of kids. He really was a failure.

…

“The principal wants to see my parents,” the Avatar said nervously the next day.

“Oh, I am shocked,” Zuko snorted mockingly

“Ignore Zuko. We can manage this, but no more school, ok?” Katara sighed, “Sokka, you be the dad. I’ll be the mom. Zuko, look after Toph,”

“I am not a child!” the earth bender protested.

“What happened to ‘ignore Zuko’?” Zuko shrugged.

“Just do whatever, ok? We’ll dress up,”

After half an hour, Sokka and Katara walked in, looking like caricature parents, and for some reason Katara was…

“Ok, just one question. Why do you have to be pregnant?” Zuko asked, for once truly curious about the answer. After some silence, Sokka made him regret asking.

“So if anything bad happens, she can start giving birth,”

“That’s not how it works, stupid!” Katara gritted her teeth, “Let’s just go before I change my mind,”

“Please do,” Zuko swallowed and Toph snorted.

A while after they left, the earth bender turned to him, “So, it’s you and me, Sparky, eh?”

“I would be alright if you said nothing,” Zuko replied and turned his back to her.

She snorted in response and nothing more was said until they came back.

“I am so glad you guys are back! I was about to lose my mind!” Toph shot to her feet as soon as the bunch approached.

“Why?” Katara laughed, “What did Zuko do to you?”

“He did nothing. I was about to lose my mind listening to his stupidly slow, monotonous heartbeat. Dum…dum…dum. It’s like a terrible drum!”

“You could have just lifted your feet off the ground! Leave my heart be!” Zuko growled.

“Guys-”

“That settles it! No more school for you, young man” Sokka boomed and everyone winced

“I'm not ready to leave yet. I am having fun for once, just being a normal kid. You don't know what it's like, Sokka. You get to be normal all the time,” the Avatar huffed and Toph laughed. “Plus, those kids at school are the future of the Fire Nation. If we want to change this place for the better, we need to show them a little taste of freedom,”

“Free what?” Zuko narrowed his eyes.

“Freedom, Zuko. Don’t you know what that means?”

“I do know what it means. I thought you said free drums, which would still make more sense,” he grumbled in response.

“I can’t believe I am saying this, but Zuko is right. What could you possibly do for a country of depraved little fire monsters?”

“I'm gonna throw them, a secret dance party!”

Everybody stared, dumbfounded, until Sokka shouted, “Go to your room!”

Zuko wished that were sufficient to dissuade them from the party idea as he hated parties. Naturally, he was wrong. After much bickering, they actually did start preparing for the party.

“Aren’t you going to help?” Katara asked as she put around candles.

“I will not lift a finger if I could help it,” Zuko grumbled.

“Why? You are allergic to fun?” Toph smirked as she earth bent a stage.

“I hate parties,”

“So allergic it is,” Sokka grinned, “Though, I still can't believe we're having a dance party. It seems so ... silly,”

“Don't think of it as a dance party, but as a cultural event celebrating the art of fancy footwork!” the Avatar said, doing a little dance.

“They're coming! Everyone stop bending,” Toph shouted suddenly.

The Avatar started to take Appa out and Zuko realized it was his time to vanish too. He couldn’t just wait around because this was the Fire Nation and he was the prince. What if someone recognized him?

“Sorry buddy, you should probably wait out back,” the Avatar was saying as his bison grumbled, “I know, you got fancier feet than anybody. And six of them!”

“Also, I am coming with you, so you won’t be alone,” Zuko added, which made Appa look a little more cheerful.

“You won’t join us?” the Avatar asked, a little disappointed.

“Not if my life depended on it,”

“Alright…have fun,”

Zuko grunted in response. His fingertips were numb with the cold blood in his veins; he had no energy for anything. He fell down rather than sat next to Appa as there was no one around to pretend for. He was weak; his whole body ached.

“It’s you and me again,” he whispered tiredly, “How are you so warm?”

Appa yawned, and Zuko closed his eyes as he huddled closer. The two sat quietly until the noises from the party became unbearably loud. Zuko looked over his shoulder angrily; he had half a mind to get up and tell them all to shut up. He cared nothing for “cultural events” or “fancy footwork” as the Avatar had put it. They were at war. Why didn’t anyone act like it? Did no one else understand the gravity of the situation? Apparently not. All of them were dancing, without a care in the world.

“ _People are dying right now_ ,” Zuko thought, “ _People are dying_ ,”

Suddenly, he heard distant screams. He shot to his feet and looked around wildly in an attempt to find the source. The screams kept getting louder and closer; he was engulfed by a mad terror. He pressed his hands to his ears, but they became worse. Those screams were in the air he breathed; they beat with his _heart_. Deafening, deafening was their plea, etched on every wall, all the earth, all the seas and skies.

“ _Forward! Die for your country_!”

“The 41st,” Zuko whispered breathlessly, shakily. Were those the last words they had heard? The oldest lie? Visions of blood filled his head, limbs flying out in the air, young children screaming with agony.

He pressed his hands to his heart. He didn’t even know what had happened to that division. Had they went on with their plans after his exile? Was the 41st sacrificed? Did anyone survive? Who could have survived such an onslaught? How could he, of all people, have forgotten? If he forgot, then who would remember? _Where were they?_

He fell on his knees in despair as his icy blood pierced his heart. He was fading; he felt death crawl up his arms and legs, numbing every limb in its slow, torturous climb.

“I will learn what happened,” he looked up defiantly, “With my dying breath, I will find the 41st,”

He fell back in pain. It was all over in a flash. Coldness washed over him more intensely than ever before. His very heart had frozen. He tried to bend the smallest amount of fire, the tiniest spark, but no, there was no warmth for him, not anymore. A single tear trickled down his cheek, blurring the stars of heaven.

“I have lost it. I have lost it all,”

…

“Zuko! Zuko! Wake up! We have to leave!” Katara said, shaking him awake.

“We got busted,” Sokka beamed, “Up, sleepyhead,”

Zuko climbed on Appa wordlessly. There was nothing left to say anyway. All the others stared intently at the cave until it was out of sight. Meanwhile, Zuko let his arms dangle from the saddle and looked ahead hopelessly. He had lost all but the screams in his head, and they gave him no peace.

“We're safe Sokka, you can take off the mustache now,” Katara teased, interrupting Zuko’s troubled thoughts.

“Oh, no I can't. It's permanently glued to my skin,”

“Way to go, dancy pants. I think you really did help those kids, you taught them to be free,” Toph said, and Zuko heard her customary punch.

“I don't know, it was just a dance party, that's all,”

“Flamey-O sir, flamey-O,”

“Hopefully, they will remember,” Katara added

“That is if they don’t get sent to war,” Zuko started, the words feeling like ashes in his mouth, “And if they live to remember it,”

After some silence, Katara spoke quietly, “Those are just kids, Zuko,”

“Not for much longer,” was the dismal response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always figured that losing his bending would be more traumatic for Zuko given his history; also, since it is coupled with his overall depression and lack of will to live, I just made it a lot worse.
> 
> The phrase “Die for your country” is a common one, but the inspiration to use it here came from Wilfred Owen’s famous First World War poem Dulce et Decorum Est. I will include it here because it’s a poem that seriously affected me, and also because it will make you guys understand Zuko’s thoughts and his obsession with finding the 41st division, for which he was exiled, better. I would say enjoy, but the poem is quite dark…
> 
> Dulce et Decorum Est; Wilfred Owen
> 
> Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,  
> Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,  
> Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs,  
> And towards our distant rest began to trudge.  
> Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,  
> But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;  
> Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots  
> Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.
> 
> Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!—An ecstasy of fumbling  
> Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,  
> But someone still was yelling out and stumbling  
> And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.—  
> Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,  
> As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
> 
> In all my dreams before my helpless sight,  
> He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
> 
> If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace  
> Behind the wagon that we flung him in,  
> And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,  
> His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;  
> If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood  
> Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,  
> Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud  
> Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—  
> My friend, you would not tell with such high zest  
> To children ardent for some desperate glory,  
> The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est  
> Pro patria mori.  
> Notes:
> 
> Latin phrase is from the Roman poet Horace: “It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country.”


	10. The Painted Lady Part 1

Zuko lied down on the saddle with an arm over his face, listening quietly as the Avatar played with his lemur. He didn’t have the energy to shut them up, and at this point, he didn’t even care to. What did it matter anyway?

“Hey guys, I think this river's polluted,” the Avatar hopped back on, splattering mud all over the rest of them with his bending.

“Pah! Plegh!” everyone protested. More air followed, clearing the mud. 

“Well that explains why I can't catch a fish around here, because normally my fishing skills are off the hook!” Sokka laughed and Zuko snorted. That was the only good thing he had heard these last few days.

“Too bad your skills aren't on the hook,” Toph replied and the rest laughed.

“It looks like we'll need to go somewhere else to get food,” Katara started. Zuko noted how she was always the one following such things, “assuming that'll fit into Sokka's master schedule,”

“Hmmm ... It's doable. But that means only two potty breaks today,” Sokka answered.

“Hey, maybe we can get food there!” the Avatar said and Zuko peeked from under his arm to look. He was pointing at a destitute village in the middle of the river.

“Let’s hide Appa and Momo, and go,” Katara suggested.

“Hide Zuko too,” Zuko added listlessly.

“Right, because Zuko wouldn’t even consider being useful. Also, can he stop speaking in third person? ”

“I will set up camp,” Zuko said, leaning on his elbows, “That’s two answers in one, isn’t it?”

She rolled her eyes as the Avatar directed his bison towards the large cliff overlooking the village.

Katara bent some water into a pot and handed it to Zuko as he was unloading the sleeping bags.

“Why don’t you make a fire and boil some water while you are at it?” she said with a slightly mocking tone. Zuko nodded smugly, but he was unnerved as he watched them leave. How was he going to make a fire?

“Let’s worry about the rest,” he mumbled as he did all else. Perhaps he shouldn’t even make the fire, but that would be suspicious; he was still a fire bender for all they knew. Why wouldn’t he make a fire? He had escaped the chore the last few days by faking sleep or walking away. They probably thought he was being mean when the truth was…

He felt something hard in one of the bags and peered in. There were a couple of rocks there. Why were there rocks? For Toph to play with?

“Oh…” he sighed as the truth dawned on him. He remembered how his uncle made fire in Ba Sing Se and his heart was filled with grief and shame. That had been by choice; now, he had sunk so low that he couldn’t even keep himself warm. He knelt, defeated and fighting tears, next to the pile of wood he had gathered and started sliding one rock over the other as his uncle had done.

…

“Hmm not bad,” Katara said, surprised, as she walked around camp, either appreciating it or looking for faults. Zuko sat with his back against the rocks and his eyes on the fire. He just couldn’t look anywhere else; that fire was there, taunting him, like every spark now did. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sokka fumbling with some huge sheet of paper and leaned his head back a bit, bracing himself for one of his schedule lectures, which came every day and was generally uncalled for.

“Our detour into town today has completely thrown off our schedule. It's gonna take some serious finagling to get us back on track,” Sokka was saying

“Finagle away, oh schedule master,” Toph gestured sarcastically.

“Well, for starters, it looks like we'll need to wake up forty-three minutes earlier every day,”

“Forty-three minutes?” Katara said in shock.

“Look, we only have a few weeks to get to the Fire Lord in time for the invasion and the eclipse, which, by the way, only lasts for eight minutes. And we just lost a whole day. So if we want to make up the time and stay on schedule, we have to wake up early!”

“Well I'm not waking up early.” Toph stated.

“Or we could just cut out all of our eating breaks.”

“What?”

“No way!”

“Forget it!”

“Whatever,” Zuko whispered.

“I got it, how's this from now on, we'll take food breaks and potty breaks at the same time,”

All the kids looked disgusted, and the Avatar spat his food, which to Zuko, was the second good thing in days.

“Hey, it might be gross, but it's efficient. Either way, we have to leave here first thing tomorrow morning,”

Dinner ended on that note and everyone started getting ready for bed. Zuko was idly looking around when he saw Katara mumbling under her breath. He stared, trying to figure out what she was saying, but just then, their eyes met, and she snapped, “What?”

Zuko was about to point out that people who mumbled usually had something on their minds, but he stopped himself. Who cared about what was on her mind?

“Nothing. Night,”

“Night,” she said in a softer voice.

Next morning held trouble. Zuko’s luck was finally rearing its ugly head.

“What's the matter, Katara?” the Avatar asked as they all gathered around Appa.

“I think Appa's sick,” Katara answered.

The Avatar pursed his lips and turned to Zuko, “You have finally managed to make Appa sick with your attitude!”

Before Zuko had the time to defend himself and his attitude, Sokka shouted in panic, “What? Appa's sick? That's awful!”

“Wow, Sokka, I didn't realize you cared so much,” Toph folded her arms.

“Of course I care. I might as well just throw our schedule away now,” Sokka replied, staring at his papers in a way that made even Zuko angrier than usual, and for once, he was on the same boat as everyone else in the group. Sokka, realizing his selfishness, rushed to Appa’s side, “And I'm concerned because my big, furry friend doesn't feel well.”

“He must have gotten sick from being in the polluted water,” Toph suggested.

“He doesn't look sick. You okay, buddy? Oh, look! His tongue is purple! That can't be good. Katara, can you heal him?”

“It looks like he needs some medicine. Maybe we can find the right herbs in town,”

This time, they didn’t even argue about Zuko coming. He stayed behind and calmly accepted the humiliation of making fire before he fell asleep, shivering despite the warmth of the morning sun.

“ _Stop! Please! Don’t fight! Flee_!” Zuko begged and begged, but none listened. They all ignored him as he wandered, light as a ghost, in the camp, screaming, yelling, howling for them to not go. Here were young people; here were the sons and daughters, the brothers and sisters, the beloved children of his country; he felt the sentiments, the prayers sent out to keep them safe. Alas, to someone else, they were just bait. _Fresh meat_. Zuko squirmed at the thought; he was repulsed; he hated it with all his being.

“ _Why do we go to war_?”

“ _To protect the family_ ,”

The camp vanished; the soldiers were gone. Zuko looked over the hill at the sunset, but which one should he look at? The one on the sky or the one painted on earth by warm blood and cold metal? He felt nauseous at the sight; the distinct taste of iron forming in his mouth. No word or painting could capture this one frozen frame of war: limbs scattered, trees burned, fires kindled and earth shaken. The birds circled above for prey as the last rays of the sun disappeared behind the opposite hill.

“ _Aren’t you ashamed?_ ” Zuko screamed, “ _How can you watch such atrocities and still rise every day? How can you live with yourself?_ ”

The scene dissolved, and Zuko woke up, shivering. The sky was ink black and all the kids were fast asleep. He pressed his cold hands to his forehead and took a few deep breaths, a fool’s comfort. How could anything comfort him now? He looked up to find a single reason, a single ray of joy on this miserable land. Instead, he saw a small floating silhouette, getting away from their campsite. No one should know their location; and if this…whatever it was, saw them, they could be in danger. Zuko stood up and, half shivering, half stumbling, followed it.

As he caught up with it, he realized that it was a girl. He also realized that he was armed with nothing but his knife. There was no point in lengthening this adventure, was there?

“Who are you and what do you want?”

The girl turned around with alarming speed and looked up. At that second, the half-moon illuminated her face, one that Zuko would not have recognized because of the red paint if not for the expression of her blue eyes.

“Katara, what are you doing?” he asked, baffled.

She glared at the sky as if looking for someone to blame, “You were asleep the whole day and you wake up just to catch me?”

“No, why should I want to catch you?”

“Nothing,” she shrugged, “Are you hungry? You didn’t wake up for dinner,”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“It wasn’t for lack of trying,” she fiddled with the edges of her dress, “You are a heavy sleeper,”

Zuko had not been a heavy sleeper before. He cursed his now extinguished inner fire and looked around in silence, as if he was missing the point. He shook his head.

“You are taking me for a fool,”

“No-”

“Where are you going and why are you dressed like _this_?” he gestured at her bizarre costume.

“I am helping the village,” she said defiantly, waiting for him to object.

“What?”

“You haven’t seen how destitute that village is. People are so poor; they have nothing to eat, so I am helping them,”

“And jeopardizing our entire mission,” Zuko looked directly into her eyes, “I am going to tell everyone and we will leave this place immediately,”

“No,’ she caught his arm as he turned. They were face to face, “If you don’t want to help, that’s fine, but you can’t tell on me,”

“Why?”

“Because I won’t let you,” she gritted her teeth, “Because those people deserve to live as much as we do,”

_Because people deserve to live…_

Zuko averted his gaze. He never thought that reasoning could be used against him of all people after such a horrible vision. Yes, people deserved to live even if they did not seem to matter in the grand scheme of things, to the great generals who sat in comfort in their high towers and mighty seats. However, they did matter to Zuko. They should because he was none of those things; he wasn’t great or important, and if he were, he liked to think that he would be better. Better, for these people who deserved to live.

Zuko gently freed his arm from her grip and stepped down to the edge of the water. When he realized that she didn’t follow him, he turned back, “Well? Come on,”

Zuko saw why she wanted to help. The village looked miserable. Most houses were decrepit and the roofs were falling in. The wooden panels were rotten and infested with worms. This place was sick; Zuko bitterly felt that he belonged there. He took the food, which Katara had taken from the factory, and started leaving a pack at every door. Katara went to the sick houses and started healing people. They met on the wooden boards leading out to the lake and were about to leave when they heard a feeble voice, “Thank you, Painted Lady.”

Zuko risked a glance and saw that it was a little boy. The boy didn’t see him as Katara covered the two of them in steam, and they quietly made their way to the side of the lake. Zuko knew of awkward silences; this wasn’t one, at least, not for him. He respected Katara’s resolve to help the people of a nation that had caused her much grief. Was that it? Had she forgiven them? He figured not, but she must have realized that these poor villagers had nothing to do with what befell her family. These weren’t the great criminals; they were just people. What did she think of him, the descendant of the greatest of criminals…?

“Zuko, watch out!”

She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and steadied him before he fell face first into the rocks to meet an untimely end.

“Watch where you’re going; this shore is slippery,”

Zuko leaned back on her with a deep breath, “You are really making a habit of saving my life,”

“You are making it too easy. Come on,” she pulled him away from the shore and towards the camp.

“Zuko,” she whispered before he collapsed from exhaustion, “Thank you,”

“Ok, you too,” he mumbled as he fell asleep.

Next morning, Zuko woke up feeling a little less dead, if such an expression existed. The kids were getting ready to go to the village.

“I want to come too,”

“Oh no, it must be the end of the world,” Toph remarked sarcastically.

“Don’t be mean,” Katara narrowed her eyes, “Zuko, get ready if you want to come,”

“Good job, you got Sugar Queen defending you,”

“Don’t call me that-”

Zuko made himself presentable before he changed his mind. They made it across the lake and headed towards the only shop in the village. Zuko took a deep breath; he hoped to find answers.

“Hi, Dock. Is Xu around?” Sokka asked

“Let me check ...” the shopkeeper said as he ran around and… changed hats? “Hey there! Back again, are ya?

“We need more food,” Toph slammed money on the counter, “Our friend is still sick and we can't leave until he's better.

“Well I hope you get better, young man,” Xu the shopkeeper said to Zuko, “Also, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?”

“I am not sick!” Zuko protested. Why did everyone keep saying that?

“Really? You look peaky,”

“No, I don’t, and I don’t think we have ever met,”

“Ok,” the man said as he presented them with a platter of polluted clams.

“Listen,” Zuko started again. He could feel the kids’ eyes on him; for someone who claimed to dislike human interaction, he was talking a lot.

“Yes?”

“Do you know anything about the 41st division?”

“The what?”

“The 41st,” Zuko repeated impatiently, “It was a division sent to the Earth Kingdom three years ago,”

“Ah, well, many divisions have come and gone. You need to be more specific,”

“Never mind,” Zuko replied. With the nightmare still fresh in his mind, he didn’t want to explain. Also, if someone didn’t remember such terror with a bare mention, then he probably didn’t know about it.

“Anyway, last night the Painted Lady visited us again. Healed most of our sick folks,”

“Is that why this place seems so festive?” the Avatar perked up.

“Yep, it's all because of the Painted Lady,”

“Can you believe how much an entire village can be affected by one lady I mean ... spirit?” Katara smiled and locked eyes with him. Zuko allowed that it was amusing for the two of them to be involved in a secret no one else knew about.

“Well, I hope she returns every night. Otherwise this place would go right back to the way it was,” Sokka said in his matter-of-fact voice.

“Why would you say that? Look how much better off these people are,” Katara retorted.

“Yeah, now, but without her they wouldn't be able to fend for themselves. If she really wanted to help, she would use her spirit magic to blow up that factory,” he supported his statement with weird gestures.

“Spirit magic doesn't work that way, Sokka. It's more like…” the Avatar made a different set of gestures. Zuko and Katara both decided that they had enough for one day as the other two continued with their crazy movements and noises.

“If anyone asks, I don’t know them,” Katara whispered.

“Who are you, exactly?” Zuko asked, earning a slap on his arm.

“Are we going to the factory tonight?”

“I’ll get my swords,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, dear ladies and gentlemen, I was quite annoyed last week because of some fan-made ATLA content (and by that, I mean that I spent the entire week throwing mini-tantrums). So, I decided that you guys will get to enjoy more of my opinions since I love them and have nothing to lose by expressing them (or so I hope, who knows?). Other than the Sozin Comet powered ship wars going on, here is a list of my biggest pet peeves in the fandom, based on some fanfics I have recently read:
> 
> *I hate it when people make Zuko a wimp who is unable to say no and does whatever everyone tells him. Seriously, 13 year old Zuko was probably the most unapologetically brave person in the show and being good doesn't mean being a yes-man. Also, I hate it when he is constantly trembling and shaking at the thought of his father post-ATLA; this kid already openly opposed Ozai twice in three years, he is already past whatever fear he might have had previously. Don't make him double back!
> 
> *I absolutely detest it when Azula stans bring down Zuko to make Azula seem better. Trends include making him a nonbender so Azula somehow acts nicer towards him, unreasonably criticizing Zuko's character arc to make Azula's seem better, or arguing that Zuko should have been nicer to Azula in their youth or something like that. I find that the later points are unworthy of arguing against on grounds of triviality, but I must expand on the first by asking the obvious: WHaT? With the messed up spelling and all. If Ozai let a nonbender Zuko live (and that's a big if), he would have shown even more contempt for him, and Azula would imitate her father and see her brother as worthless at best, and worthy of death at worst. To those who argue that Zuko wouldn't be a "threat" to her then, I would like to point out that Zuko wasn't a threat for her anyway and that both of them were far removed from the succession line (fourth and fifth, respectively) for any power-related jealousy issues early in their childhood. The bottom line is, as of the last episode of ATLA, Azula is a broken villain, who has been brought down both by surrounding influence and by her own hubris. Let's focus on that and stop bringing down other characters to make Azula work, eh?
> 
> P.S. I have nothing against people who would make either sibling a nonbender for the sake of exploring the dynamic or creating an entirely new story. I just hate it when it's used for the sole reason of making Azula "better", you get me? Characters should be made better on their own merit, not by bringing down someone else so their egos are morbidly satisfied by the inferiority of their surroundings.
> 
> That's it, fellas! If you read all that, thanks for putting up with my rambles, heh.


End file.
